"The Real Housewives of Orange County" Are Reunited and it Doesn't Feel so Good

"The Real Housewives of Orange County" gathered on the couch tonight to rehash this tumultuous season (Part 2 airs tomorrow night.) There were tears, laughter and plenty of eye rolls. I think I may have done all three myself while watching this episode. Ok, mostly the eye rolls.

Host Andy Cohen opened the night by asking Tamra about her failed marriage. After the obligatory clips of the sniping that escalated between she and Simon as the season wore on, Tamra made some surprising revelations about her so-called "happy marriage." She claims she knew five years ago the marriage wasn't going to work out, but when she got pregnant with her youngest child, she was stuck. Tamra revealed shortly after they sold their house, she moved into her own apartment with their kids and suggested she and Simon have a trial separation. About a month later, Simon lowered the boom and served her with divorce papers. Clearly elated to be out from under Simon's thumb, Tamra even referred to herself as a "free bitch." Gretchen, ever the frenemy, said she thought Tamra'a divorce was a publicity stunt, due to Tamra giving some media interviews with her side of the story. Of course, what to think of a woman who doesn't know the difference between "karma" and a "curse."

After Lynne gets some crap for her facelift, which she plans to claim as a business expense, the talk turned to the numerous procedures Alexis has had. I got dizzy listening to the laundry list. Andy kind of nailed Alexis on how she can mess with what God gave her, given how religious she is and Alexis had no answer. Tamra was also not buying what Alexis was selling, saying she was laying it on a little thick and calling her contradictory (something Alexis does frequently - contradict herself that is). Alexis played the boo-hoo card for how she gets treated and what people say about her for being on the show. Miss Vicki chimed in and said if she doesn't want to be on the show, then she should leave. Alexis responded she loved being on the show. I don't take anything Alexis says seriously. I think she's a nut job. Maybe not Cuckoo Kelly from "The Real Housewives of New York City" nut job, but a nut job nonetheless.

Next up, it was Lynne's turn in the hot seat as everything from her money troubles and problems with her kids were put on display. Lynne's another one who contradicts herself (remember, were it not for her business, she and her family would be out on the street. Riiiight). When Andy calls her on her daughter, Alexa, begging her for discipline, Lynne claims to be extremely strict and that Alexa is a great actress who's just out to make her look bad. Gretchen's reaching out to Alexa is brought up and Gretchen reminds people she has a degree in psychology and stresses yet again, she was offering an ear to Alexa. Miss Vicki pipes up that her son has a degree in psychology, but that doesn't make it his business to talk to other people about their problems. Gretchen shot Miss Vicki down by correctly pointing out that Lynne's whole issue was that Gretchen isn't a mother and therefore not qualified to talk to Alexa, so how was that different than bringing in the teen whisperer, who also doesn't have kids. Miss Vicki shut her mouth. Lynne even declared she's "doing a pretty good job" as a parent. Big round of crickets.

Finally, Gretchen's love life closed out the night as Andy asked her if she felt like Sloppy Thirds, due to Sleazy Slade's seeming penchant for Housewives. Miss Vicki tries once again to open Gretchen's eyes to the fact that Sleazy Slade did indeed date Lauri, something Gretchen remained firmly in denial about. With the exception of Alexis, the other Housewives felt Sleazy Slade was opportunistic, a user and controlling over Gretchen. The walls went up about 20 feet high with Gretchen as she told the Housewives to respect her relationship and that no one but them even says anything about Slade. Miss Vicki claimed she was at the Vatican when someone asked her about them. The Vatican? Really, Miss Vicki? Really?

Tomorrow night, Mama Jeana gets on the couch with the ladies and in a Real Housewives first, the husbands join in on the fun. And we still have to discuss that busted girls getaway to Florida and trip to San Francisco.