The Real Housewives of New York City - Jill Zarin Circles the Drain

The Real Housewives of New York City continued their quest for the Academy Award of bad behavior tonight. Kelly Bensimon's breakdown from last week continued to fizzle off and on throughout this episode. Basically whenever Kelly opens her mouth at this point, it's almost certain to be complete nonsense that comes spilling out. There were a few gems from this episode that really shouldn't be missed. Jill Zarin's shock and dismay when she surprised the ladies in St. John was rather satisfying after all of her horrendous behavior this season. Just in case that wasn't enough to quench the thirst for Jill Zarin to experience a little Karma, she circled the drain on ice skates later in the episode before totally busting her ass in front of a crowd and the cameras. Many DVR users from coast to coast likely hit the rewind button a time or two after that little gift.

This episode of the Real Housewives of New York City opened once again in St. John at casa cuckoo, but this time the cuckoo had flown the coup. Kelly Bensimon got it together enough to write Ramona a note thanking her for the experience and wishing her all the best while explaining that she really needed to get back to New York.

The four remaining New York housewives sat around the breakfast table heaving a sigh of relief that the drama had passed and were looking forward to a day of massage, mani-pedi time, swimming, and just relaxing in general. While the day did begin that way, it quickly deteriorated when Jill Zarin surprised the ladies by showing up unannounced in St. John. This was truly a classic Real Housewives of New York moment as the shock of the moment registered on the women's faces. Ramona looked a little like a wild animal trying to reel in her fight or flight response when she heard Jill's voice. It appeared as if Alex might break out into hives once again or blow a gasket. It quickly became apparent to Jill that no one was happy to see her. These things can be difficult to spot when you believe you are the center of the universe, but somehow Jill managed to catch on in spite of it all. Jill went outside whining about how she had been wronged all the while trying to figure out how to spin it to make it look like she was the victim. Sorry Zarin, we know what you did last summer! Jill and Bobby left to board a private jet for St. Barts in search of some emotional intelligence. I take that back-I still like Bobby. It's Jill who needs a personality makeover.

The last housewives remaining in St. John convened for a tension-free dinner and enjoyed some drama-free female bonding time. Bethenny enjoyed the fact that she can actually see signs of her pregnancy showing up in her belly and everything was going smoothly until Ramona suddenly appeared to be channeling the exorcist and everyone prepared to do the Heimlich maneuver. Apparently a piece of shell found its way into the wrong pipe. After announcing how she had performed the Heimlich on both her ex and a poodle, Sonja announced that she thought it would be a good idea to keep a "defillabrator" around the house. Nope, no typo, that's what she said. After dinner there was a shower complete with gifts which included pearl handcuffs and a blindfold. I'm not sure if Sonja had bought all of the gifts or what. Just sayin'.

Back in the Big Apple, Jill, LuAnn, Kelly, and Jennifer got together for lunch and Kelly shared her version of what happened in the Virgin Islands. Not surprisingly, Kelly's version of the events didn't mesh with what had actually taken place. Kelly veered off into a meandering explanation that no one could follow. Eventually the women were left trying to sort out the significance of the jellybeans Kelly kept referring to. Someone needs to get that woman a doctor and that's no joke! Kelly still wasn't able to get the hang of the difference between a cook and a chef and then said that Bethenny had admitted to some smear campaign against her. Apparently Kelly forgot that it was all caught on camera and that isn't how the conversation went. In her defense, she can't keep things straight or together and really and truly is in need of some professional help. Later LuAnn was filled in at Sonja's about what had really happened. Once Sonja recovered from her quasi wardrobe malfunction downstairs, the ladies discussed what had really occurred in the islands upstairs. The Countess appeared shocked and reiterated that no matter how much she dislikes Bethenny, it's not okay for Kelly to call her a ho bag.

There was a brief interlude where LuAnn was in the penthouse at the Thompson Hotel with her kids and her son repeatedly opened and closed the blinds with the remote until LuAnn had enough and her enormous Countess head nearly took out a light fixture. That head of hers is so big at times that it's like a balloon from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

The last true gem of the episode came when Jill's skating party in Bryant Park was taking place and Jill donned yet another skating leotard-how many of those things does she have anyway? After an appropriate amount of attention had been given to the swag bags, Jill hit the ice in her hot pink skating costume in a famous "look at me" moment. Now, in case anyone forgot, Jill Zarin was a great skater when she was nine years old, so it's important to revisit that several times each season on The Real Housewives of New York City. Let's be clear, Jill chose to have an ice skating party because she wanted everyone to watch her skate in yet another custom outfit. Well, in Jill's big moment, she did a header onto the ice and couldn't have looked less like Kristi Yamaguchi if she tried! Jill's desire to have the whole world watching her came to a brief standstill after that. In a setup for next week, Jill called Bethenny to set up a lunch meeting. Really? I guess we know what next week's episode holds in store for us, don't we?

Jill suddenly appears to be on a quest for a do-over now that her bad behavior has caught up with her. This can only end badly. Don't burn up the rewind and pause after last night's episode on your DVR-you might need it again next week. Bring ear plugs, it looks like LuAnn is going to sing again.

Source: The Real Housewives of New York City