'The Real Housewives of New York City' Don't Play Nice

It was with baited breath I watched the premiere of "The Real Housewives of New York City." In the interest of full disclosure and to paraphrase Andy Cohen, this edition's mi fave (because everyone has a favorite Housewives edition, right?). I loved Bethenny Frankel. I loved Jill Zarin. I loved Bethenny and Jill together. Alex McCord and her appendage, Simon Van Kempen bordered on the creepy. Ramona Singer was a Ramona-coaster. Countess LuAnn deLesseps was likable (shocker, I know).

Then Cuckoo Kelly Bensimon had to crash the party. Then some other Housewives showed up - Sonja Morgan, who I'm still not sure if I like and Jennifer Gilbert, who was like the new girl that sat down with the popular girls in the cafeteria, yet no one was sure why she was there. And as we know Bethenny and Jill imploded, she vamoosed and I was left to wonder, would the Girls from Gotham still have it?

Yes and no. Jill, for all her insistence she's changed, is as catty as ever. Surprisingly, the formerly meek Alex is emerging as the Housewife with an edge (perhaps trying to fill the void left by Bethenny?). Ramona is still Ramotional. Still don't know what to make of Sonja. Jennifer is out. Cindy Barshop is in. Countess LuAnn is in love. And Cuckoo Kelly is still...Cuckoo.

Unlike seasons past, tonight's action didn't open with summer in the Hamptons, but rather autumn in New York. Ramona's having a party to test out her new Ramona Pinot Grigio and she and hubby Mario enjoy a few sips with Alex and Simon. It's all fun and games and Turtle Time, until Jill shows up. Alex wants to climb inside the Pinot bottle and Jill tries to make nice. Alex can't stomach breathing Jill's air and hangs out at the bar sucking down as much wine as the bartender can fling at her. Simon encourages her to say hi and after a few awkward moments, Alex invites Jill and Co. to a Marriage Equality March across the Brooklyn Bridge. Alex's moment is upstaged by Jill and she beelines back to the bar to slurp down some more Pinot. Alex, strap an IV to your vein - it's quicker.

Jill prepares for a trip to Australia and Cuckoo Kelly drops by to hang out and it's clear she's still in fine form. Which isn't saying much. Jill relays that Alex was still cold to her and Cuckoo Kelly says she bowed out of the party because Ramona keeps calling her crazy. Well, if the crazy fits. Jill is still perplexed about why Alex hates her and says she can't have another life-altering fight like what happened with Bethenny. The spirit of Bethenny still casts its long shadow over Jill's life. She still can't believe Bethenny didn't forgive her for saying "we're done," and tearfully admits she still loves Bethenny. Jill maintains Bethenny left her behind because she didn't need her anymore, though Ramona feels Jill's jealousy is what did the damage. True dat.

Jill's new nemesis is embarking on a new career as a model, though model Cuckoo Kelly isn't impressed, because you don't have to be "pretty," just be able to photograph well. She and Simon are now self-employed and while Alex wants to work, Simon would rather be lunching. They take time out to attend an art show hosted by new Housewife, Cindy. Cuckoo Kelly thinks she's being so clever and original when she says they'd attend the opening of an envelope (didn't Bethenny use that same description in Season Two about them?) Cindy, who cleans and bedazzles v-jay-jay's for a living, also has twin babies courtesy of in-vitro and is described as edgy and rock and roll. She totes those babies around like accessories, even making her nannies stand around this nighttime art show while all the ladies stomp around on a canvas with paint on their bare feet. Jill grills long-in-the tooth Cindy about who the baby daddy is. Keepin' it classy, eh, Jill?

In other Housewives Happenings, self-appointed truth-teller, Ramona, conducts interviews for another assistant and it's fair to say, these girls must not watch the show. Why else would you subject yourself to the Ramona-coaster? She rips them for having boring jobs, being boring, looking boring, dressing boring. Ramona has a cure for at least one malady, as she pushes some of her skincare on one of the girls. I hope that girl threw it in the trash. Meanwhile, Countess LuAnn and her new beau, Jacques, double with Sonja and her new boy-toy Brian. Jacques drools all over Countess LuAnn and Sonja and Brian drool all over each other. Quite the appetizing dinner.

We did get a little glimpse of the Hamptons as Ramona, Alex and Jill all find themselves invited to the same wedding. Ramona keeps mum to Jill that Alex will be there, hoping for a shock factor. Jill freaks, but manages to keep her cool long enough for fake kisses. Alex tries to nail Jill for pretending like she didn't know Alex would be there and for skipping out on the march the next day. Jill complains to some other guests about Alex, who in turn diss her and Ramona for wearing white to the wedding. Alex tries yet again to keep "Queen of BS," Jill on the hook for her behavior, but to no avail. Not sure who that round went to, but I'm ready for more.

This season on "The Real Housewives of New York City," pecking orders, zipping it and blondes vs. brunettes.