The Real Reasons Why People Hate Being Single

Everywhere you turn there are media resources extolling the benefits of being single. It has become painfully obvious that the trials and tribulations associated with being single are so numerous that experts feel compelled to quell our collective psyche with statistics. The truth is that being married is probably just as nerve-wracking as being single. We all know that one's subjective experience has everything to do with how we view being a party of One. But for some reason, proclaiming this status (especially after a certain age) provokes the kind of inner response akin to throwing up a little in your mouth (a graphic analogy, but effective nonetheless.) Truly, your life is what you make of it, whether or not you're blissfully attached to another human being. But if you want to know the real reasons why people hate the 'single' label, here they are. And they just might surprise you...

We don't want to self-reflect.

A recent article featured on yourtango.com suggests that being single is terrific because it allows people to learn more about who they really are. Being single gives one the chance to concentrate on his/her likes, dislikes, and everything else. But this time alone also gives us plenty of time to see exactly what's wrong with us. Quite frankly, some of us hate being single because we bore ourselves silly. We're messy, we have bad manners, and we procrastinate--amongst perhaps a million other idiosyncrasies that drive others crazy. We're not mutants, of course. But all this alone time sometimes forces us to see the parts of ourselves we like the least. With someone else around to divert our attention, we can temporarily forget that we're not perfect. (ahem)

The word "we" removes 50% of the blame for...everything.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to blame a significant other when you're late for {insert social function here}? And when your child exemplifies some unsavory behavior, how easily the words: that's your kid rolls off your lips (when speaking to a spouse.) Quite frankly, being part of a pair makes it easier to be partially absolved of guilt when problems arise. We all know that we're supposed to work as a team in relationships. But even the experts boast the wonders of the ultimate 50-50 romantic partnership. In short, being single makes us responsible (at least on the surface) for most of the uncomfortable circumstances in our lives.

We like the reflection of who we are in others' eyes.

Most people might say that single folks simply hate being lonely. But being alone doesn't necessarily beget loneliness. There are entire populations of people who savor every single second they have to themselves. No--what we love about being attached is the reflection that we see of ourselves through others' eyes. The tacky, idealistic phrase, "you complete me" may be the stuff that romantic comedies are made of. But there is some shred of truth to the fact that we enjoy who we are when we're in the company of someone we really like. Whether we admit it or not, "coupledom" has a lot to do with how much we value ourselves based on what others think of us. Women who say they dress sexy for themselves might be telling a small fib; for if there was no standard of sexy to follow, how would we even know what sexy is? We certainly don't need other people merely to validate our attractiveness. But as long as we believe that we do, we will forever look to others to tell us things that we should already know...

SOURCES:

www.psychologytoday.com
www.yourtango.com
www.ivillage.com
www.cosmopolitan.com