The Relationship Equation

So many of us have done it at least once, we have become attracted to a situation rather than a person. We find a person who meets perhaps our basic criteria, and then we try to learn if that person will fit into our situation. Have we all lost touch with our own hearts? Have we all become so accustomed to convenience we feel we must apply that to our love lives? Is it really easier to love someone with your mind and sense of practicality, than with your heart and soul?

See if this situation sounds familiar to you. Sally meets Bob. They feel a slight physical attraction at first and decide to get to know one another better. They find some common ground and interests and almost immediately take it up a notch. They begin a physical relationship and find a new level of excitement for one another. Most of the real conversations they share now are basically 'pillow talk'. They talk a bit about hopes and plans and realize their situations do seem to mesh. So in a matter of a few short weeks, they begin a serious relationship and in a matter of months, wonder how they got into the situation.

For some folks, the above equation really works. Meeting + common interests + a good fit into the other's situation = Long-term relationship. It works because some folks are looking for a situation and can be quite happy when it is met. It is wonderful to know happiness can be found thus. For those of us who are looking for a situation, which includes loving a person instead of a situation, the above equation leads to what seems an endless string of empty and short-lived relationships.

There are plenty of people willing to give the lovelorn advice. There are even more people willing to take some money from the lovelorn before offering their advice. There are organizations out there willing to find the best match for the lovelorn, of course, for a price. Where are the lovelorn to turn?

Anyone who has ever known true love knows its value. It is worth taking time. It is worth making effort. It is worth struggle. It is even worth the pain it can and does cause. So for those of us who go through life as hopeful romantics, we do need to discover our own equation for a relationship. Of course wanting to love a person rather than a situation can have pitfalls of its own.

How about this situation? Jenny meets Bill under simply friendly circumstances. The friendship grows, blossoms, and soon becomes an unexpected romance. There is a great deal of sharing and caring. Jenny is so thrilled with the situation; she gives herself completely to it. She loves with all her heart and though the situation is challenging for both, they strive to make it work because of the love they feel. Over time, for true love can take time, Bill's feelings change. He feels Jenny loves him differently or perhaps more than he loves her. He needs to end the relationship because it has become too intense for his desires. There is a great deal of pain for both. Are they destined to join the ranks of those simply looking for a situation to find happiness? A hopeless romantic might say yes, while a hopeful romantic would simply smile at the question.

For any other hopeful romantics out there, take this as advice, or observation, or even theory. If we wish to be in a loving relationship, we might be able to take a little something away from those folks who are looking for a situation. The people who can find everlasting happiness from a situation know themselves and their desires very well. They are honest enough with each other and themselves to know exactly what they need and what they are willing to compromise to go through life with another person at their side. So if you are among the lovelorn and are currently searching, take a little time to know yourself and what you truly want to make your relationship equation. When you meet someone, make sure to share your equation. It is tough to admit our Algebra teachers might have been right...it eventually all comes down to the math.

Is it shallow or selfish to know your desires before embarking on a relationship? It is actually responsible when you think about it. You can only be at your best with another being when you are at your best with you. Best of all to those searching and those found.