The Relationship of Shyness to Romantic Dependency

The North American Journal of Psychology theorized that while shy women would be more dependent upon their romantic partners than women who were not shy, while shy men showed no significant increase in dependency on their partners than the average man. The journal defines shyness as "the presence of inhibition and discomfort in social situations," negatively affecting not only social interactions, but physiological and cognitive processes as well. The journal suggests that shy individuals are dependant on external factors to gauge the shyness of their responses to social interaction. An example of such an external factor could be an intimate relationship, whose interaction negatively fosters shyness in the shy individual, leading to dependency of the shy individual upon the significant other. \

Because it is theorized that shyness has physiological affects, the journal suggests that shy individuals may rely on romantic partners to alleviate their shyness in situations. This emotional dependency tends to be exclusive, culminating in the shy individual's dependency upon the significant other for "for heightened self-esteem, for identity, and for general functioning."While shyness and interpersonal dependency share these qualities of exclusivity and external stimulation, interpersonal dependency is qualified by a preoccupied need for intimate relationship with others, which shyness is not.
While shyness and interpersonal dependent behavior seem to have similar motivations (and even share some motivations) in many cases, a significant difference in extreme cases of shyness and interpersonal dependency were found. While an extremely shy individual tends to be very submissive in relationships or avoid them completely, a very interpersonally dependent individual may display manipulating behavior in desperation to retain a relationship (though submissive temperament is often a result of interpersonal dependency. The research concludes by drawing a positive correlation between shyness and interpersonal dependency in women. Women "with high levels of shyness will be more likely to exhibit anxious attachment, exclusive dependency, emotional dependency, and overall dependency towards their intimate partners than individuals with low levels of shyness."

Response:

Reading through the specific qualifications of a shy individual and those of an interpersonally dependent individual, I understand how the researchers were able to find correlation between the two social disablements in women. Because men are less emotionally wired in the mental way that women are, a shy man may only be shy in his physical approach of emotional expression to a woman. Once overcome, a shy man would become confidant in interactions with his romantic partner, and yet might remain shy in his interaction with other women. As long as a man's significant other fulfilled his self-esteem needs, I do not think it likely that he would be emotionally dependent on her. Women, however, seem more emotionally vulnerable in such a predicament.

I draw my understanding of the difference between men and women's actions in such a situation from my understanding of the curse put upon human nature at the Fall (Genesis 3:16-19). Mankind through Adam was not cursed in terms of interaction with his wife "no mention of any sort of desires for her or lack of desire. However womankind, through Eve, was not only cursed with pain in childbearing, but also in their emotions: "Your desire shall be for your husband and he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16b). It is not a sin that a woman should desire her husband, because God created marriage as a unification of man and woman into one being. The root of the Hebrew word "teshuwqah," translated "desire" meaning "stretching out after, "desire, longing, craving." (Blue Letter Bible) I would like to suggest that this " desire" is not to manipulate or control her husband, but an intense emotional desire for his love and approval, tainted in this curse by the sense that she can never be fulfilled in this desire.

From my understanding of the effect of God's curse on women, I think that women are more likely to display interdependency as a result of shyness because of their intense emotional desire to be wanted, needed, and cherished by their husbands. This emotional drive in women might be present in peak capacity in shy women, who have the same desire to be cherished by their significant other as all other women, but less aptitude for displaying and receiving that love because of shy tendencies. Therefore, all this emotional energy in shy women is focused and concentrated on a single relationship, causing a woman to seek her entire identity in one man. She does this because she is desperate for his attention, even if such desperation is unnecessary. Because the woman wants to be the object of her romantic partner's desire, she seeks to conform her entire person to his in hopes that this will make her all the more attractive to him, and increase his desire for her.

As Christians, it is obvious to us that a particular, fallible human should not the source of one's identity, as we find our identity in Christ. I would like to theorize a step further with the research of this journal article in that not only are shy women more interpersonally dependent on their significant others, but they are more likely to be caught in abuse cycles because shy women are more apt to conform and submit to their significant other. In conclusion, I think this journal very accurately displays the tendencies of shy women to be interpersonally dependent on their romantic partners.

Works Cited
Blue Letter Bible. Dictionary and Word Search for teshuwqah (Strong's 08669). Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2007. 8 September 2007.

North American Journal of Psychology (1 June 2007). An exploration of shyness and its relationship to partner dependency in romantic relationships.[Electronic Version] Retrieved 8 September 2007 from _0286-32191940_ITM>