The Remembrance

Willow's tears fell to the ground. Her bare feet throbbing and partially numb as she stood there on the cement outside of her apartment, the rain began to fall. She could not move. Stillness. Even without sleeping in the bed, her feet were stagnant.

Willow's car is stalled. She's not sure what's wrong with it and can't find out until Monday. Saturday's are supposed to feel better than this. Saturday's are supposed to be fun and alive. And although, she can feel a new beginning stirring up, her eyes are filled with tears.

There was no way she could go to the funeral and even if she wanted to the Universe stalled her car.

"Rest," a voice spoke gently into her heart.

"But I don't know how," she responded.

"Sit down and be still," the voice said.

Willow sat down, but stillness was not a part of her vocabulary just yet. Her cold, wet body inside the apartment now, she sat on the sofa, which became her bed.

"I just want to sleep for a long while and wake up to a perfect world," her voice drifted lower until her body did the same.

There's a mother crying and wishing she had done better. There's a father weeping wishing he had been around more. There's a grown woman named Willow standing at a temple - a sanctuary. She is dressed in all white. Her eyes red from hours of crying, the cords that once attached her to codependency and abuse lay weak and powerless at her feet. Briefly, she entertained picking one up, but an angel named Michael flew in and took them away before she could grab one. "Let it go," he said as he faded in the distance, his voice sounding as if he were standing right next to her.

Willow took in a deep breath and...

She was back in her living room. She jumped on the computer to e-mail a friend named Dru. They met at a book club meeting in spring of 2007. While they weren't extremely close, but they were definitely connected and enjoyed talking to each other.

March 24, 2008 1:17pm

To: Dru Rainford

From: Willow Brown

Hey Dru -

Not much going on here. Bored. Sad. Happy. Just a mixture of stuff. I don't even have enough money to get any groceries right now. I'm down to my last bit of food. Pay day is four days away. That's long, when you're broke. Well, I won't bother you with my ramblings. How are things with you? I missed being at the book club meeting the other night. My car is out of commission too. Talk to you later.

--Willow

March 24, 2008 1:32pm

To: Willow Brown

From: Dru Rainford

What's your address?

March 24, 2008 1:34pm

To: Dru Rainford

From: Willow Brown

1822 Parkway Drive Apt. 1

"That's odd. I don't usually give out my address to people. Not even the ones I know well," Willow thought.

March 24, 2008 1:36pm

To: Willow Brown

From: Dru Rainford

I'll be over there after work with some food.

March 24, 2008 1:40pm

To: Dru Rainford

From: Willow Brown

Ok. Thank you.

Willow sat at her computer desk surprised, yet grateful. She knew she and Dru clicked a bit at the book club meeting, but she didn't realize that Dru liked her enough to make such a kind gesture towards her.

"I can't allow my friends to go without food. So, I wanted to bring something over," Dru said. She stood at the door. Dressed in jeans and a regular T-shift and sneakers, her smile brightened Willow's rollercoaster world.

"Thank you so much, Dru."

"No problem. Well, I have an errand to run. If you need anything, give me a call."

"Ok. Thank you."

Later that evening, Willow enjoyed some turkey cutlets with marinara sauce over rice. One of the best meals, she'd eaten in a long time that wasn't processed. She watched Oprah and cried. She watched Everybody Loves Raymond and cried. She wrote in her journal and cried.

03/24/08

Dear God,

What's going on? I feel an odd mixture of joy and sadness - happiness and guilt. I know in my heart I was following your guidance. I had to walk away. Don't people realize abuse isn't always physical - it's emotional and mental too? Maybe there was another way I could've done this? No...no, I did the right thing. I did the right thing.

Willow took a deep breath. She let the journal fall to the floor. Her head tilted to the left. She blinked a few tears, laughed at a joke on The Big Bang Theory sitcom and willed herself to sleep.