The Return Home of the Adult Child

You lived on your own for years but the economy has sent you back to live with your parents. It's a blow to your ego but your lack of finances overtook you pride. And now you find yourself sleeping in your old room. Maybe it looks the same and your old High School memories are staring you in the face. Or may it's been redone and you are now living in the guest room. Either way, this is definitely not where you expected to be at this time of your life. So, how do you make the best of a bad situation?

Why did you come back?

These days most folks are going home because of financial issues. But divorce and illness may also be reasons for your return. No matter what, it's rare to return because your life is going well. No matter what the issues that sent you back home it usually leaves you feeling like a failure and makes you angry. But remember that you are angry at yourself and your family is only trying to give you the best they can, even if it isn't much. Being nasty and cranky and rude to them won't make things better. Face it - you wouldn't have come back if you had any other place to go. So try to appreciate the space even if it now has doilies and ruffles.

Ways to Maintain Your Self Respect

They don't want money and you don't have any so the fit is fine. But that doesn't mean you hang around and get waited on like royalty. You need to feel that you are contributing to the household. Remember those chores you didn't want to do when you were a kid? Well you probably don't want to do them now either. But you aren't a kid now and if you act like one, they are sure to treat you like one. Don't ask them what you can do, just do it. You can help clean the house, care for the lawn, cook, do laundry or walk the dog. I heard that sigh you just emitted. If you want your family to treat you like an adult you have to behave like one and it's very easy to fall back on childish behaviors when you go home. In any relationship, actions speak louder than words and so if you want them to see that you appreciate their help DO SOMETHING to show them that appreciation.

The truth is, you are a house guest.

Since you left your family has begun living a life that does not include you. They have moved onto a new phase of their lives where they have been able to think of themselves and do what they like. Think about how your return has affected that freedom. Try to impose on their activities and schedules as little as possible. Sure you like when Mom cooks dinner. But her cards games meet three times a week and she hasn't cooked since you left. Don't make her feel bad if she wants to stick to her schedule. Take care of yourself. Do your own laundry and maybe even theirs.

Here are some problems we've had in our house

Some time ago my eldest son came to live with me. I had relocated many years ago and he had never lived in my new home. He wanted to sleep with the windows open but I have no screens and don't feel safe with the windows open at night. He didn't listen, opened his window and his room was the site if a swarm of something that took us days to get rid of. He got a screen and still opens the window. He doesn't know I know. Hopefully we won't get robbed.

My son doesn't want me to hear his phone conversations so he goes outside to speak. But he listens in on mine and comments. He does his laundry but has never done mine. He puts his dishes in the sink but wouldn't consider loading the dishwasher. He wants his dinner when he comes home but doesn't want to have to call me if he decides to go out with friends. And he talks about himself constantly and has no interest whatsoever about what is going on in my life. I've tried inflicting guilt - You'll regret this when I'm dead - but it won't work until after I die. So for now I have accepted that he wouldn't be here if he could be somewhere else and I'm glad he is not in the street. Maybe one day he will read this article the guilt I've been trying to instill will appear. Till then he's company in the house and I hate living alone.

So, it's up to you

Your family is not going to change. They are far too set in their ways. Focus on the positive and not the negative and you all might find ways to coexist - at least until the economy turns around.