The Role of Being a Grandparent

Most of us dream of having grandkids and having the little ones sit on our lap, but what does it really mean to be a grandparent?

Today in our modern society, with its everyday fast pace of life, father and mother both working, children going to school, barely coping with the pressures of life, most of the younger generation don't think of someday being grandparents. We hear other people talking about becoming grandparents, but it's irrelevant to us at that time, but suddenly the day arrives and we are proud grandparents.

What do we do now? First you must look at the relationship between your daughter and son and decide how you will fit in with your new grandchild. What will be your role be, will you babysit and if so how much, daily, occasionally, how often will you visit. These questions should be discussed with your children, even before the baby arrives. Boundaries need to be set ahead of time so that everyone knows their role in the life of the new baby.

Grandparents sometimes think that their children should raise their kids like they did, but times are different and new parents will have their own values and way to raise their family. We as grandparents should only give advice when ask to or talk to them about a concern, but let them take the advice or not. When the baby first arrives grandparents can become overenthusiastic and forget whose baby it is. This can cause friction between the new parents and the grandparents.

Being grandparents brings with it responsibilities and we should understand that as grandparents we are role models to our grandkids. From us they will receive the history of the family; they will learn how their own father and mother grew up. Many children believe that their grandparents know everything and will tap our knowledge and patience's. As grandparents we will influence the child's attitude, their future life and even what kind of grandparents they will become.

Grandparents can become a safe haven for the child, I know as a child myself, when my Dad was mad at me, I'd run up to Grandmother's house and she would protect me (that's what I thought) until my Dad calmed down. I always looked up the Grandma and knew that she would be there for me no matter what the problem or need was. The best memories that I have of childhood was when I spent time with my grandma. The times we use to heat her ice cream, the days she would read to me and the love she gave me, I will never forget. One of the saddest days of my life is when she "passed on"; I remember standing at the window looking up at her house knowing that grandma would never read to me again, oh what a sad time that was!

Grandfathers can have a spiritual and mystical function. Grandkids can view the grandfather as the titular head of the family and the grandmother as the heart of the family. Grandfathers that spend a great deal of time with the grandchildren and develop a close and intimate relationship can become a heroic figure to the children. The stories told and the experiences shared with the grandkids can sometimes put the grandfather is hero status. In the past grandparents were older but today grandparents are younger have more opportunity to spend time with their grandkids. They are in better health, and have more means to do things with the children, thus have more influence in their lives.

In the words of an old Spanish saying, "The grandfather reigns, the grandmother governs"[1] In some cultures, especially the "primitive" ones, the grandmother are a held in high esteem. The Bororo tribe in Africa, grandmothers called "Umufasoni", meaning Noble, no jokes or quarrels with them are permitted. In every race and country grandmothers are known as healers, always ready with chicken soup, or special remedies to make the sickness go away. In Haiti, grandmothers are believed to have mystical powers, born to good luck. they can make crops grow, ease the pain of childbirth and have knowledge of the secrets of nature.

In the eyes of grandkids, grandmothers can become an emotional bedrock, one which as security, stability, wisdom and experience. Grandmothers are powerful; the new generations of grandmothers must realize the emotional power that nature has endowed them with. The fact is that, whether they like or or not, as twelve-year-old Dora put it, "Grandmothers are necessary"[2]

There can be problems between grandparents and their children. In-law relationships can produce probems, how much time can be allotted to each set of grandparents. Conflicts will occur and must be dealt with or the grandkids will be confused and hurt.

Due to family problems, sometimes the grandparents are forced into being both grandparents and parents to the grandkids. For some reason, medical, drugs, lack of responsibility the mother cannot care for her children, maybe the father is unable to also provide care or no father is present at all. The grandparents love for their grandkids overrides all decisions and in some cases the grandparents will adopt the children. After raising a family of their own, now they are raising a second family, at a much older age.

Many of us look forward to having grandkids, so that we can spoil them, maybe overindulging them (not a good idea), or a good thing, spoiling them with love, spending as much time with them as possible, rocking them to sleep, playing with them and just being there for them.

Enjoy your grandkids, have fun, make being a grandparent a time for love and enjoyment. Our grandchildren will constantly surprise and delight us and take up to places that we wouldn't go otherwise. They will make us feel young again and we will have the opportunity to guide and develop a wonderful and priceless entity, our grandchildren.

[1] Between Parents and Grandparents by Arthur Kornhaber, M.D.

[2] Between Parents and Grandparents by Arthur Kornhaber, M.D