The Root of a Bad Bad Economy

Obama is a smart man, why hasn't it figured it out yet. Watching CNBC all day, you would be driven to believe that the economy is bad because of the crash of the housing market, the crush on small businesses, the high unemployment rate, the Asian outsourcing, the price of gasoline or the cost of your favorite potato bread.

But, the root of our bad economy is too obvious for not being spotted by the leading economists of this country. It is called decreased in productivity caused by text messaging. I swear.

First and foremost, let us say that five years ago, few people were aware of this new practice that has become the center piece of the center of our life. Who would think at the peak of the cell phone revolution that we would, as a nation, stop talking on our phone, which is its primary function, to start writing in it, instead? Since tele means far and phone means listen (telephone = listening from far), we should rename our Black Berry or other Android device omniscript, omni for everything, and script for writing.

Yes, everyone is overtaken by this craze. Everyone. Including me. At its onset, I completely opposed it, because out of respect for the etymological purity of the Shakespeare's language but also because of my inability to type fast on a minuscule screen. My opposition lasted until I discovered two things, (1) I could save a a bunch with my answering service by having them text me all my messages instead of me accessing their costly voicemail, (2) that some of my friends would refuse to talk to me and would just order me to text them instead. I did not have a choice.

I also understand why, in this context, YOU like the texting thing. At work, it can be done silently and no supervisor will know that you are having a heated discussion, or a sweet flirt, while on the job. At home, you can talk to who-you-want without triggering the usual question: "Who are you are talking to?". And in some quarters, you can talk to several interesting interlocutors simultaneously without anyone of them feeling left aside, or being tipped of the conversational biding.

As a result no one is working. Everyone is texting first, then doing whatever-part-of-the-job they have time for second. At home everyone is texting, no one is paying the bills. Productivity is in the pit, loan defaulting is at all time high, our trade imbalance worsens, the dollar weakens, the economy stinks, we are doomed. All of this because of text messaging. Why is it no one has figured this out?

Here is a solution to the problem: the creation of a retrieval website mandated by Congress. On that site, everyone coould go at their leisure, day or night, and retrieve all text messages sent and received by their spouses and partners, trainees and employees, and read what is it they are texting about all day long. Invasion of privacy, my foot. Correcting the federal deficit, the way to go.

What do you think?