The Running of the Brides at Filene's Basement is a Race for Wedding Dresses

I've never been to the Burning Man Festival, nor seen the Running of the Bulls, but as of this morning, I have seen "The Running of the Brides" and lived to tell about it.

It's true that I'm a bygone bride and still get my jollies from ogling over wedding gowns. But the Filene's Basement Annual Bridal Event is not a spectator sport. It has been in existence since 1947. Like any consumer-oriented tradition, the event has garnered a reputation for attracting an aggressive crowd. Thus, if you are like I was, hoping to help an engaged friend to find a deep-discount dress right from the rack, then your best bet is to arrive early.

The doors of Filene's Basement won't open until 8am, but the true bridezillas are camped out by 6am. The queue forms and you can typically expect it to snake around the corner. Every last engaged-to-be-wed woman will be there, her bridesmaids and Mother of the Bride (MOBsters, indeed) in tow.

The time will pass by quickly if the sun is shining and you've got a hot beverage in hand. You'll glimpse all the twinkling engagement rings and you'll ask, "When's yours? Oh, December? You've got some time then." You'll be courted by assorted vendors who will work the line with pamphlets, brochures, cookies, and promises of free facials (!).

Some of the strategists who read the tips (found at www.filenesbasement.com) beforehand, already know that you have to come equipped with proper signage. This displays the sizes of dresses you'll be searching for, Sizes 10-16, for example. You might carry your sign on a stick like a strike picketer, or if you're a professional, you'll wear it on the front and back of your hot pink custom-made T-shirt that says "Team Shannon: White, Strapless, Sizes 10-16." Also, New Year's Eve tiaras and matching Sponge Bob pajama bottoms are all perfectly acceptable attire to encourage team spirit among your shopping cohorts.

When the floodgates open, be prepared to let out a loud cacophony of "It's raining dresses!/Hallelujah!/ It's raining dresses!" as you ride giddily down the escalator with your bride and other teammates.

The rolling racks full of dresses will be stripped bare in roughly 12 seconds. The whole scene will smack of viciousness and greed. Despite the fact that Filene's Basement still operates in a capitalist society, there are some dictator brides who will pool all of the dresses they can muster and promptly have one of their teammates sit on top of the pile, shooting sinister glares at any would-be consumer who should attempt to upset their heap of ribbon and lace. Be prepared to grab any old shower curtain of a dress and start trading off.

The try-on process is exquisite. Dressing rooms are nil. Mirrors are scant. The floor is a skuzzy tile. The bride plops herself between a rolling rack and some kind of sock bin and strips down to her skivvies. For this reason, it is important to wear comfortable, decent underwear (read: No Thongs, Please) and perhaps even a strapless bra.

While the bride stands in place like a mannequin in the lingerie department, the teammates fetch dresses of desirable size and style. Filene's Basement refers to the appropriated roles as "gatherer", "trader," "dresser," and "guard against prowlers." The bride will attempt to wiggle into each dress with a reasonable amount of effort. Pictures are taken, "Ohh" and "Ahh" or "I liked the other one better" are uttered. Decisions are made and more dresses are traded.

Brides are encouraged to bring clothespins along to gently tweak the fit of too-big dresses. They are also encouraged to come with positive attitudes, and to try on a variety of styles and colors so as to assess the most complementary. Digital cameras come in handy for this. The pictures can help the bride to compare dresses, and can be e-mailed and reflected upon at a later time.

Brides are discouraged from wearing excessive make-up which will rub off on the dresses, and from wearing uncomfortable shoes which may detract from her trying-on endurance.

In the end, a few women will find the dress of their dreams and her teammates will cheer like "Wheel of Fortune" contestants. They will leave as satisfied customers. Hopefully, that is, because Filene's Basement accepts no returns. Others will vow to come back after work once the crowd has dispersed.

The Running of the Brides is a once-in-a-life experience. That is, every year you may have the opportunity to run, but after one attempt, you probably won't ever want to oblige it.

'Til death do us barter for dresses again.