The Russian Girlfriend Letters

She first wrote to me and was in love with my "form and structure". I wrote back asking her to send me money so I could go to Russia and marry her and make many new Russian babies. I last wrote....

Rich to Vlada (March 09, 2008)

I thank my lucky stars of Jesus that you write to me now. Let me know you a little about me. I am close to being about four foots tall. I am most totally looking like Kojak with no hair. But it is the hump that is like a mountain on my back that most is standing out. For me no bad habits like drinking or gambling. When I am done with having sex with the taller wimins then I take some pills to cure what I have maybe given or gotten them. Do you think we could have sex right from our first moment of love? Here is no good. I am happy you write but am looking that you have not sent any rubles so I can come over to Russia and make them babies with you. Here in Arkanstan my visa is soon to end, and I want to be in your arms of love. So I wait to hear from you about the sending of rubles so we can build some kind of love nest. With love as big as Russian Bear, And some gooey smootches to you.

Borat B. Punning II

Vlada to Rich (March 10, 2008)

Hi my friend richard!
I'm glad so much to receive your answer again! It's very interesting
for me to read your messages, from them we are learning more about
ourself, and I begin know more about you, richard.
My dear friend, of course, may be you want learn about our
correspondence, about correspondence's essence too, really? As I want
to tell that I have decided to get acquainted through an Internet due
of my girlfriend Elena which one year back has gotten acquainted with
the foreigner John, I have said you about this earlier.
richard, may be, possible, we will together in the future time, may
be I would like to look the marriage too, if you will want this, I
don't want to hide this so important fact, but we must to learn more
things about each other more and more, it will reasonably and
correctly. I hope that you will agree with me with
this fact too. But in my opinion,
again and again, we must learn about each other more and more, I
repeat this! Please, agree with me, richard!
My friend richard, I would like to tell you about my family. I
want to say to you that I have a large family too. This are my mom
Marina, my daddy Sergey too. Also I have two sisters. They are Katya and
Masha. My sister Katya is 21 years old. Masha the younger sister, to it now 10 years.
On professions my mom is a seller in the shop, and my dad is an
engineer on the factory. My sister Katya is a student of the
university, she is studing on the lawyer, and Masha is a schoolgirl.
Our family are living without any conflicts too, we have a good
understanding between our members of our family. Because, I think that
our parents gave to us a good education. I think that it's so good and
I'm so proud that we have my mom and my daddy. Also I want to say to
you that I live with my family in one apartment.
Also I want to tell that I have consulted with my parents about the
account my acquaintances with you through the Internet, they have
estimated it as positively because they care about my future life of
course. My parents would want that I have a happy life, and would want
that I will find my man. As I told you earlier, I have never been
married.
As already I spoke to you earlier, I work as the croupier in a casino here
in Cheboksary City. It's a perfect and cosy. My job is very pleasant
for me, people in our city are kind, and players of the casino are not
roughness to us, certainly there are cases when the players are not
correct with us and spoil mood, but it happens very seldom. I'm very
interested to learn about your work, richard, and what do you do in
free from work time?
During our weekends, in my free time, we are with my girlfriends, also
with John and Elena sometime, go for a walk to the city, we like to
sit in cafe for a cup of tea. I like my girlfriends very much,
especially my best girlfriend Elena. She is as native sister for me!
By the way I want to say to you that Elena works as a croupier in our casino.
Also I want to say to you that Elena and John are living in
Cheboksary City now. now they have left to look at beauty of Moscow.
Elena have visited John to Australia at last time,
John asked Elena to visit in Australia him after that when they have
understood that they love each other. I remember, Elena was so happy
in this time. They lived together during two month in Australia. And
then they have came to Russia, to Cheboksary City too, simply,Elena
said to John that she have missed about her parents, and that she
want to visit on some time her parents, and they came to Cheboksary from
Australia. They are very happy together, they love each other very much,
I envy to Elena and John slightly :) and also, of course, we meet
with each other sometimes and spend a lot of time together. We are so
good friends! Also I want to say to you that I have never been outside
of Russia, I have never been in an other countries, but I would like
to travel at once, it's so romantical, I think :)
Well, richard, I must to finish my e-mail to you, I hope that we will
continue to correspond with each other and you will tell me much more
about myself as more as possible in future e-mails.
I want to ask you about more things,
richard, and I hope that you will understand my questions and will
answer me for them. I want to learn more about your country, please,
tell me about your family, about your friends. A great hello to you
from my family. I hope to see your
message soon. Bye-bye...

GOD BLESS YOU,
YOUR RUSSIAN FRIEND,

Rich to Vlada (March 10, 2008)

Dear My Vlada Hoochy Koo,

I will tell you more about my family. All of us are living her in Arkanstan, which is a part of Amerika, which is ruled over by the Big Bush. Soon to come Obama and his mamma. This will be meaning we will all have more change. I think it is good to have more change. You can pay then the tolls in the meters for parking. I have a Trabant, which was given to me by Mr. Putin hisself. He say that because I am only 4 foots tall with a hump, that the little shit box of a car if mere than perfect for me. I do has to push it to makes it go, and it can only drive backwards no frontwards. My mother with the hump works every day with the elephants in our circus here in Arkanstan. The elephants take her in the roll up trunks and toss her back and forth. She is very famous and is next on Amerikan Idol. I wants to be on Russian Idol. Do you has such a thing? I am very good singer in the shower, which is where I like to have my sex with the taller wimins. Are you a taller wimins? If you do not have a hump on your back but two humps on your front that is okay too.

My work here in Akanstan has been to throw balls at hoops with big black men. Sometimes the big black mens has tossed me into the hoop, but when I land on the hump it does not hurt.

Vlada I am so looking to be making the babies with you. We can have maybe 19. Some will have the hump in the back like me and maybe some with the humps in the front like you. Maybe one or two will have front and back. We can give them all the name of Borat after me, even if some are girls. George Forman, a famous grill maker, named all his babies not Borat but George, so it can be done there in Russia too?

Well, I am looking everyday that you send me rubbles so I can come to Russia and we can start our Borat making. It is so beautiful that you write to me on the computer. Yes, I do have to wipe it down when I see you picture. You have such great form and structure.

Please be to hurry and send many rubbles before my visa expires. I want to be making 19 Borat babies with you.

Love you Hoochy Koo. Many wet smooches with tongue.

Borat B. Punning II

PS, Please be sending the rubbles quick. Do not send American wallpaper dollars, thanks you.