The Sacred Day of Re-Think

A jealous one may jump the gun
And answer the ridiculous with "Yes,"
But it will be something I cannot fathom
To make me wear that dress.
The institution of marriage, indeed!
And not a wink too soon, I'm delivered!
I simply cannot please a man without
Knowing from which swamp he has slithered.

So if I investigate all of your lies,
Make all of your promises transparent inside,
Decline sitting like foolish sleaze
(I'm clearly capable of seating myself with ease),
Never trump up truth to show you more capable,
As if you are more than truly able,
And demand your high respect
As the mother, wife, friend and lover-
Wait! Where do you think you're going?
I have more demands! Here's another:

If I ever react emotionally distraught
Over something silly like a tie you just bought,
Or want time alone to just sit and stew
Over the item bought when you already had two,
Don't you become weary!
Don't linger in regretful thought!
You shouldn't have even looked at that watch
When you knew it shouldn't be bought!

And still you hold out this ring for my finger?
There's still another list of rules to remember!
Have you any idea of the commitment I demand?
Do you realize you're placing eternal vow on my hand?
If still you gaze lovingly into my eyes,
And if you believe monogamy even works for cool guys,
I must admit the thought of it is oh, so precious, indeed!
Before you jump, realize you'll never, ever be freed!