The Safari Inn - Chico, CA

The Safari Inn in Chico, CA is an unkempt mess of a motel, offering the guests who try to sleep there nothing buy reasons to stay awake. The Safari Inn is cheap on the pocket book, and expensive on the sanity.

The Safari Inn standard room is supposed to have a refrigerator, air/heater, coffee maker, cable television, shower, free local phone calls, free wi-fi and easy parking. Also offered as amenities in our room was mold on the walls in the bathroom, a running toilet, unidentifiable smells, water that went from scolding to freezing, hot water knob that squirted burning hot water directly from the handle, pillows that saw the Watergate Scandal footage firsthand, leftover dirt from the last guest, pieces of fabric to resemble towels, and a parking lot screaming for a huge accident.

The first time I stayed at the Safari Inn, we (my friends, husband and I) called to get directions because we were hopelessly lost. The person behind the desk gave us wrong directions, causing us to spend nearly an hour trying to find the hotel. When we finally arrived I essentially just threw my credit card at him and he checked us in quickly.

We went to our rooms, which were not smoking rooms and were greeted by the smell of old smoke and musk. Our room had a fridge, their room did not. Our room had a microwave, their room did not. We sat on the bed and were greeted by a spring that could give me a colonoscopy. It was disingenuous to call the head resting apparatuses there "pillows." The linens are probably 32 thread count. The comforter was a source of anxiety because it looked like it had serviced each guest of the hotel personally.

One year later we went back for the same event but the National Yo-Yo Championships were in town so the only hotel room we could get was at the Safari Inn. Thinking we knew what we were getting into, we went ahead and booked the room anyways.

The lady who checked us into the hotel was adequate but her music was blaring so loudly, it was hard to hear my husband or her talk.

We went to our room and the same overwhelming smell was there but it had grown over the last year into a cloud consuming my nasal cavities. The carpet was dingy and gross. We did have a dead bolt and half of a chain lock (where the other half went, I don't know.)

My pants were wet from the rain so I turned the heater on and threw my pants over it. I went to check the heater and no hot air was coming out. As an experiment I turned on the air conditioner and the temperature of the air did not change. Chico is an incredibly hot place in the summer and not having an air conditioner is unacceptable.

There was no microwave anymore but the fridge was new and clean. Unfortunately, our fridge had to be lifted slightly to open the door. The floor was so uneven that the fridge door got caught on the floor, and when I tried to open the door, I ended up dragging the fridge on the floor a little.

I sat on the bed and was greeted by the same probative spring. The bottom sheet was an unfitted sheet and was not made properly so the corners came up immediately after I tried to slip into bed. The sheets had not improved since our last visit. The "pillows" were offered my sore neck less rest than it did on my previous trip.

When I tried to adjust the hot water in the shower, my hand was scalded by the scorching water dripping from the hot water handle. The shower's temperature wavered, leaving the showeree jumping in and out of the stream for self-preservation. The bathroom window had a crack and no screen.

There was free wi-fi that was easy to access but the only unused, easy to access plug was in the bathroom above the sink so if we wanted to use it for a long time, we would have to do so while sitting on the toilet, which was running all the time.

The Safari Inn's special touch was mold growing in the grout, along the corners of the shower and the outside of the shower.

The Safari Inn costs about $50 dollars a night, the parking is free and it is easy to get a room on short notice. If one's personal safety is not a concern, they could have an adventure and stay at The Safari Inn.

Safari Inn
2352 Esplanade
Chico, CA 95926
(530) 343-3201