The Satsuma Girls

The Satsuma Girls are two twenty nothings - the kind of girls who wear orange foundation and bright blue eye shadow

Virago is a self-styled feminist with a chip on her shoulder whilst Chatelaine is really a stay-at-home girl.

Scene 1 (and only) : A local pub just before closing time on a Saturday night.

Virago ( assertive) : Let's get out of this place and go to MeeMaws and see if we can find a couple of idiots to buy us our drinks. There's some seriously rich blokes go in that club.

Chatelaine(unsure) : Ooh I don't know really, I don't think I should. I told him I'd be back by eleven and its ten past already.

Virago (forceful) : Oh let him sweat. You should get out more. Girls just wanna have fun.

Chatelaine ( still unsure) : He'll go mad if I'm late. He doesn't like me being out at all. It's not worth the hassle and anyway I've got to iron him a shirt for morning.

Virago (aggressive) : Well you won't find me ironing a man's shirt for him. Come on, let's live a little.

Chatelaine (excusing) : But I don't want to pick up any blokes. I'm spoken for aren't I? I'm not a free agent anymore.

Virago (righteous anger) : Bullshit! You're not even married to him. He doesn't own you ,you know. ( persuasive) Anyway, we're just going to scrounge a few drinks out of the bastards and string them along for a bit. Men are for using.

Chatelaine (in a quandary) : But he loves me, he said so. He'll be upset if he thinks another bloke is after me. Maybe I should ring him and let him know where I'm going.

Virago (indignant) : Are you stupid? He'll just tell you to go home, he'll start whining about how you belong to him and how he's been all alone and needs you back there to put the kettle on and make his supper.You're as pathetic as he is.

Chatelaine( aggressive) : And you're just a hard bitch. If you hate men so much why are you so desperate to go looking for them?

Virago ( justifying) : Because, soft girl, it's like a sport . Playing them along, pulling their strings, seeing them with their tongues hanging out and then walking all over their stupid illusions. I'm a feminist aren't I? It's my duty to put men down where they belong.

Chatelaine( assertive) : Well, I like men, some of them are alright. They have feelings too, you know. They're like babies really. He says I'm like his mum sometimes, you know? Says I keep him safe and do things for him and it's nice to be needed.

Virago (wheedling) : He's just using you to make his life easier. Is he such a wimp he can't do things for himself? You have to fight men not mother them or they'll never grow up. So let him stew. Do him good to worry about you a bit, anyway. Aw, come on, girl, lets go!

Chatelaine( very assertive) : No, I've decided, I'm going home. You go, if you want to. Maybe, I'll call you sometime.

Virago (petulant and defeated) : Well, thanks a lot for ruining my night, you bitch! I can't go all on my own...What a fat lot of use you turned out to be.