The Scourge of Terror Babies

Recently, US Representative Louie Gohmert unveiled the sinister jihadist plot of "terror babies". Under this insidious plan, evil terrorists would come over to the US and give birth to a child who would then, as an insider US citizen, unleash a devastating surprise attack against the United States, some 20 years later.

This certainly seems to be a frightening development on the surface. But it seems like not a lot of bang for the buck. What, they couldn't find any currently disaffected teens who are already willing to strike? I, for one, am not worried one bit about this army of terror babies. Why, you ask? It's quite simple, actually. Have you seen what American society does to "real Americans"? They are fattened with McDonald's food, lulled into a stupor by video games, and thoroughly occupied with Facebook and texting their BFFs. I don't suspect that these terror babies will have a chance.

I think even an evil terrorist, once he tastes the freedoms of a bacon double cheeseburger, the exhilaration of shooting Nazis in "Call of Duty", and chatting up Aisha on Facebook - there's no going back. 72 virgins? There would be at least 20 right there on his friends list! What's that saying about 20 virgins in the hand is worth 72 in the heavens?

Evil Terror Dad: "Abdul, it is time to execute the plan."

Abdul: "Ummm, can we do it next year? I'm dating a really fine girl right now. And I've been working hard on my music..."

Evil Terror Dad: "It is time!"

Abdul: " I still have 18 month left on my iPhone contract."

Evil Terror Dad: "The iPhone is for infidels!!!"

Abdul: "Dad, this is my life. I can be who I want to be here. How about you and mom move here, get a house with a basement..."

Evil Terror Dad: "Execute the plan! The time to strike is now!"

Abdul: "Look Dad, you're going to have to get my younger brother to do this stuff. And tell him to leave Los Angeles out of it. I'm going to a cool party there at Sean Penn's house this weekend."