The Search for Beauty Can Lead to Eating Disorders

Beauty is something many have tried to define. Many more have tried to capture it. Some have been unable to recognize it. Still others don't even bother to try. Perhaps that is because what is considered beautiful to one person can actually be something much less to another.

Although most men I have talked with over the years claim they prefer a real woman to those that can be found on the silver screen or TV, their actions betray them. It is rarely real women that they ogle on the streets or whistle at when they pass by. I'm not saying that men are dishonest. I'm just saying that they might actually be capable of appreciating both. That is a concept with which most of my sisters of the female persuasion would disagree.

Unfortunately, most women believe that men prefer models and Playboy bunnies to anything they have to offer. Consequently, they go about killing themselves by dieting in an effort to reach the unattainable. Eventually, many of them give up altogether and use food as a coping mechanism to make them feel better. What happens, of course, is that they become the very things they once worked so hard to avoid.

Men aren't the only problem either. We women are harder on one another than any man could ever be. We constantly analyze, criticize, and even cajole those women who don't fit into a particular mold or model. Anyone who doubts that should talk to a woman who suffers from an eating disorder. What they have to say might both surprise and shock you. I know because I have been there myself. I also have a sister who still has suffered from the anorexia.

In a way my father started my eating disorder. But he wasn't ultimately responsible for the end result. He did constantly criticize of me as I was growing up. I wasn't pretty; I was plain. I wasn't smart; I was stupid. I wasn't strong; I was pathetic. I could go on for hours extolling the things that my father bombarded me with on a regular basis. But it wasn't his words that really hurt me.

I honestly didn't think much of my father. He was an alcoholic and an abuser. It was my mother's unwillingness to contradict what he said that made me wonder if he might be correct in his assumptions. However, I don't believe my mother purposely led me to believe those horrible things about myself. I think she simply didn't have a clue what to do to deal with the situation. After all, she had four girls and a boy to raise on her own when dad was out of the picture.

In later years, I came to realize that she didn't think much of her own looks. She was clearly beautiful but she didn't think so. That explained a lot about her way of handling things. Maybe she didn't have a clear picture of what beauty was or wasn't just like the rest of us.

Add the seed of doubt my parents planted to all of the pictures I saw in magazines, on television and in movies and before long I was indeed certain that what my father stated, and my mother implied, was factual. I was an ugly duckling. I was something to hide away and of which to act ashamed. I eventually took all of that and internalized into my eating disorder. I would binge and purge long before I ever heard of the term bulimia. By doing so, I kept my 5' 8" body down to around 110 pounds. I wasn't a bit healthy but I still hated the sight of myself.

It wasn't until I got married and moved away from home that I went back to wondering if my parents might have been wrong. But it took winning a small beauty title to convince me that they probably were. It took a loving husband and the affection and belief in me from a lot of women to help me turn the corner and move away from my eating disorder.

Over the years, I have spoken with a lot of women about the reasons for their disease. Overwhelmingly, they pointed to other women as the major cause. Rarely was it the men in their lives. I found that strange at first, but if you think about it, it actually makes sense. After all, it is women who perpetuate "the look" in magazines, on TV, in the movies, through concerts, and everywhere else.

While the structure of our whole system teaches women that they need to avoid obesity, little out there cautions them against the direct opposite. In fact, it is common to hear the phrase "no one can be too rich or too thin." To say that is not just wrong, it sets a whole frame of mind in impressionable young women who want to be accepted and loved.

In a culture that is so obsessed with beauty, I find it amazing that we are turning out so many truly ugly individuals. No, I'm not talking about the way they look. I'm talking about their actions. I'm talking about how people treat other people. I'm talking about the lack of respect that we show one another. I'm talking about the judgment we so often offer when it really isn't called for.

Beauty is so much more than physical appearance. We should have learned that lesson by now. Instead, we seem to be moving in the opposite direction. Sadder still is the fact that in our search for perfection, we insinuate to our children that they too are not good enough just as they are. The cycle will be perpetuated through them for generations to come. Where that could lead is a very scary place indeed.

If looks become the standard by which we judge one another, where does that leave those people who weren't lucky enough to have the right genes? There has been talk of gene manipulation. We might not be that far away from being capable of "breeding" what someone out there believes to be the perfect human being.

However, who will set those standards? Who will decide which genes are good and which are bad? Proponents say the whole concept is geared toward ensuring that future children are healthier, smarter, and more beautiful. But we've heard nothing about making them more giving, caring, or compassionate. I find that sad indeed!