The Secret to Being Sexy

Sexual attraction is a key factor in uniting couples, but what is it that generates the desirable, sexy qualities that so many long to possess?

Sex appeal can be described as a vibe - the look, sound and general aura of a person. To be sexy is to convey a standard mix of visual and auditory signals that initially turns heads and causes hearts to pump erratically. So why is it when those standard signals are emulated by some, the outcome is not always favorable?

The truth is, looking and acting "sexy" can only get you so far. The genuine art of exhibiting sex appeal and being incessantly desired by the person you long for all boils down to chemistry.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

Have you ever dated someone that you considered to be so unbelievably attractive and sexy, you couldn't get them out of your mind? And then upon getting to know that person, the obsession quickly deteriorated because you had nothing in common? It's called infatuation - that passionate feeling that is frequently exaggerated by fantasy, shrouding the not-so-desirable qualities by optimistically filling in the mysterious gaps.

The problem with infatuation is, the manufactured set of images and scenarios mask a person's compatibility factor with the desired individual. Eventually they realize this "perfect" person no longer turns them on - even though they continue to exhibit the same visual and auditory signals that they were initially attracted to.

On the flip side, perhaps you've met someone whom you didn't initially find sexy or attractive in any way, but with repeated contact, you began to experience deep, emotional feelings towards that person, and in your mind, they had suddenly become - sexy! This is when something greater than the perception of external qualities is involved; it's when a little thing called chemistry kicks in. The presence of emotional chemistry goes beyond craving a superficial, physical attachment. It is an innate longing to have a deeper connection with the desired individual, for reasons that cannot always be explained.

The thin line between love and hate...

Contrary to popular belief, the opposite of love is not hate. As relationships bond and sever, intense emotional feelings can cause these words to be used interchangeably. When we are hurt by someone we love, we may temporarily feel hatred towards that person for causing us pain. In a tumultuous relationship, we may love someone one minute and hate them the next. It's this lack of stability and irresolute feelings that cause our emotions to flip one way and then the other, fueling the flames of the "love/hate relationship."

Rather than hate, the true opposite of love is indifference. When you are indifferent to someone, you don't care what they are doing, what they are thinking, or even what they think of you. That person means very little to you emotionally. But when you "hate" someone, it means you harbor strong feelings for that person. Even though the feelings are less than positive, they still weigh heavily on you emotionally.

Strong, negative emotions can sometimes disguise a buried feeling of affection for someone who does not reciprocate. Unfortunately, these are the sort of relationships that are the most difficult to let go of. What makes matters worse is the intense focus on hatred can cause an individual to miss out on suitable romantic prospects that they regularly encounter.

Sexy, Alluring Signals...

With experience, stereotypical sexy images go by the wayside in favor of something more mysterious and inherent. It's that knowing look, a shared feeling of excitement and tension, and the abrupt change in the air when that special person is near that induces the feelings we all desire so much.

So it's important not to change who you are if what you are seeking is a long-lasting passionate relationship. Be confident within yourself and allow nature to send out those sexy, alluring signals that you already possess. If we look beyond stereotypical images, we have a better chance at finding long-lasting mutual desire and passion. And it is that shared passion for what is under the exterior that is really, truly sexy.