The Secret to a Happy Marriage

My husband and I recently celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary; it seems we are asked the same questions over and over by others who seem to think that we have some kind of magical solution for not only having a loving and happy marriage but keeping it happy over the years. The truth is we don't have a magical solution instead we simply use a little bit of common sense and we never forget that loving someone is a choice and like any other choice in life we actively make the choice to love one another every day of our lives. I have decided to answer some of the questions that we are often asked and share some of the "secrets" of our happy marriage.

I Want A Marriage Like Yours; How Do I Get One?

I want to scream every time someone says this to me because you don't just get a happy marriage; you work for a happy marriage. The good news about that is if you have two people actively working together it feels more like fun instead of work. Your mother has probably told you anything worth having is worth working for but most don't feel that includes marriage. After ten years of in-laws, kids, bills, work and just the day to day hassles of life I can assure you that even the best marriages need work and effort of both partners. When things get tough instead of walking away: stay and fight. Fight with your spouse and fight for your marriage. Don't give up just because he leaves the toilet seat up or because she doesn't appreciate your deer horns hanging on her living room wall. Look for a compromise and try to toss some humor in the source of your aggravation. When my husband left the seat up one too many times I explained to him that I could solves two problems at once if I super glued the seat down. I would never find myself landing in a bowl of cold water in the middle of the night and I would never again have to clean the rim of the toilet again so if he wanted to leave the seat up that was fine with me. It is a very rare occasion that I find the toilet seat up in my house and I managed to get what I wanted without a screaming match or calling him an insensitive jerk. It was more important to me to make the both of us happy that it was to be right.

How Do You Stay In Love?

This is always a tough question for me to answer other than to tell someone that I do make a choice to stay in love. I had been through one bad marriage and looking back it was as much my fault as my ex-husband's, we made the choice to have an unhappy marriage by finding fault in everything the other did instead of finding the things that we liked about the other. Today I have a strong and happy marriage because both my husband and I make a point to remember what it was about the other that we fell in love with. We don't have a happy marriage and we aren't in love by chance; we have these things because we are willing to make them happen. We don't let the little things become big things and yes, sometimes we go to bed mad but we go to bed together. We do not sleep apart for any reason and no matter how made we are we always kiss goodnight, goodbye and tell the other we love them even if it is through clenched teeth.

We have a happy marriage because we want a happy marriage not because we got lucky and one fell in our laps. Like every couple we disagree and I am known to slam a few cupboards from time to time and he is known to go for a walk but we never let these moments become a huge problem. We resolve the small problem before they become big problems, we fight, we make up and we move on from there. We also love one another to the point of distraction. My husband usually calls me at some point during his work day to tell me that he loves me and I leave silly little notes in his lunch box from time to time just to let him know I am thinking of him. We have a happy marriage because it is worth the time and effort to the both of us to make it a happy marriage.