The Secret: Looks Really Do Matter

Most people think that when you are talking about whether looks matter or not, they assume it's about whether someone is good or bad looking. However, why looks matter to most people has nothing to do with this at all. Let's take a look at why looks really matter, and how we get that way.

We must first realize that all our likes and dislikes and what is beautiful or attractive to us is formed as we are growing up. As we are growing up we each have unique experiences that mold us into who we are. From the time we are a child we are looking at the world and making judgments about what we like and don't like, and what is pleasing to us. All this is based on who and what we are exposed to and experience in our environment. For example if you are part of a remote tribe in Africa you may grow up believing that a very large, well rounded woman is beautiful. However, not everyone else in the world would see this woman the same way. If a male child is very close to his mother and she is very loving, he may believe that the physical attributes his mother has is pleasing and attractive, whether she is really beautiful or not. Just as in reverse, if his mother is a tyrant, and scary, he may attach negative feelings to the physical attributes she has. In simple terms what we are exposed to as a child will effect what we see as pleasing and attractive, as well as what is ugly and displeasing when we are adults. Our environment and the people in it help to shape what we like and dislike as adults. So, in this perspective looks matter in the sense of what we have been conditioned to like and dislike. No matter how nice a man or woman might be if they have physical attributes that remind us of a bad memory, we will not be able to get pass their looks to get to know their personality.

With all the previous information in mind it's easier to understand why as adults we are attracted to certain kind of looks and physical attributes. On another note, what one person is attracted to, might totally turn another person off. It has nothing to do with being shallow, it's just how we were molded as children. For instance an attractive physical attribute that is attractive to me is, I like a man with a slight overbite, I think it makes a man look cute. Where does this come from? Maybe the red headed, curly haired, little boy I had a crush on at age five. This may sound ridiculous, but he was a very good friend, he had a great smile, we had lot's of fun, and I had a very positive experience with him. Therefore, I probably associate that physical attribute of his, with something pleasing, comforting, and attractive. Remember, we are molded and conditioned by our experiences good or bad when we are children. I hope all this is starting to make some sense.

So, is it really about being shallow when a man wants a hot blonde? Well, maybe, but maybe not. Perhaps as a little boy he heard is Dad going on and on about how beautiful and sexy Marilyn Monroe was. As a boy he heard this over and over again. Now being most boys look up to their Dads, and believe Dad knows everything, well at least until their teenagers, this little boy was conditioned to see blonde women that are beautiful as very attractive to him. Does that mean he hates brunettes? Of course not, however, he has sufficiently been conditioned in his particular childhood to see blondes in a more positive light. Chances are this little boy as an adult will date blondes, and end up marring one, because that's what he was taught is attractive, and it's attached to a good memory of his Dad.

Have you ever seen what some would call an ugly guy with a drop dead gorgeous girl? Of course most of us have seen this at one time or another, and our first thought is why is she with him? NO, it's not always because of the money. This woman may have had a very bad experience with a really good looking boy when she a child, and was put of by this. On the flip side, maybe some not so attractive boy came to her rescue in some kind of scary situation, and now she sees a man that may not be that good looking, as her knight in shining armor. It's really quite fascinating when you think about it, just how much our childhood and experiences really do shape us as adults.

So, now I bet I have you thinking about all the different physical attributes you like and dislike and why you may feel that way. I have thought about this many times. Some of my choices have to do with wonderful childhood friends, my Dad who I was very close to growing up, and yes, the bullies and jerks as well. Till this day, I cannot stand the look of a muscle bound man, you know like Fabio. Well, that's my secret why. So, the next time you start thinking that a man, or a woman is being shallow because they don't want to get to know that nice guy, or a nice girl, because of how they look, try and remember it may not be that their being shallow, but just being true to how they were conditioned in their childhood experiences, and what they grew up believing is pleasing and attractive to them!