The Secret to Potty Training Your Toddler that No One Ever Tells You

When I potty trained my oldest child, the process took 18 months from start to finish. I wanted to rip all of my hair out and run down the street screaming; I was convinced I was a failure as a mother and he'd go to college in adult diapers. So when it was time for child number two to start, I regrouped by rereading the literature and listening to the experts, and this time, it took six months. Better, but not great. So when number three came of age, I tossed out the "expert" advice, listened to my instincts, and he trained in one day, my thirty-second birthday, to be exact. No, I did not have a magic wand, nor did I figure out how to bribe a three-year-old into complete submission. I simply figured out that potty training a toddler comes down to one simple secret.

The secret isn't difficult or earth shattering; it's just so simplistic that no one ever shares it because this secret can be summarized in one word. And one word doesn't sell books, magazines, DVDs or make its way onto television shows. So, do you want to know what it is? Well, I'll tell you: RELAX.

Potty training, like other childhood milestones, is a physical and emotional step in development, and each child arrives there at his or her own pace. Just like you can't expect all children to start walking, talking or reading at the exact same time or at the time you want them to, neither can you expect a child to potty train simply because you feel like it's the right time. Yes, children can show signs of readiness, but they have to be completely mentally on board for it all to come together. And if you push the issue, you might make it worse (as was the case with my oldest).

So instead of constantly putting them on the potty, making them wear underwear that they just wet through, feeding them lots of salty foods and liquids or throwing them some type of "potty party," just relax and wait. Yes, you may have to wait longer than you'd like and you may not be able to brag with all of the other toddlers' moms, but you'll save yourself a lot of chaos and mess with your patience. Even though other moms may like to brag about their young children going on the potty, these moms are probably putting them on the potty themselves and cleaning up lots of accidents along the way. Because the only thing you gain by pushing the training process before a child is ready is the frustration of trying to place your child on the potty when you think he's ready and of cleaning up puddles all over your house and the extra laundry that goes with it.

Instead, if you're patient, showing and talking about the potty training process but not making your child do it, he will come around on his own when he's ready. With my third, he watched his parents and older brothers, talked about it, picked out underwear and practiced putting his potty seat on the big toilet. But none of that made him go, until he literally woke up one day, went in the potty, put on underwear and was potty trained. Yes, he was three-and-a-half, but I've cleaned up maybe five accidents total in the two months he's been going, and they've all been minor. By letting him go on his own timetable, I saved us all countless headaches, cleaning and laundry. It can be very hard to wait, but it's completely worth it in the end.

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