The Secret Recipe for a Blockbuster Movie

The script MUST contain:

> massive pyrotechnics ("explosions" for you non-producers)

> the top actors and actresses running away from the explosions, in slow mo (they also must have their heads turned, looking back at the explosions -- don't ask me why)

> said actors and/or actresses must be blown forward at hyper-speed, lifted approximately 15 feet off the ground while the mega ball of fire pursues them (it's also advisable to have them tumble relentlessly while being hurled through the air; also remember that this is still in slo-mo)

> sometime before, during, or after the above key scene, there must be a car chase with vehicles performing amazing feats, supposedly right out of the showroom. Tires can't go flat, engines can't fail, and the protagonist's vehicle must always survive.

> a non-steamy sex scene that's borderline boring (the steamy ones last appeared in the 1970s when they almost couldn't make it past the censors, and we had no idea what couples really did anyway when they got excited)

> extremely loud background music: the theme, if you will. It must be so deafening as to cause you to not understand the incoherent script.

The script MUST NOT contain:

> a plot

Please don't reveal any of the above. You don't want to spoil your family and friends' theater experience, do you?