The New Semantics

As an old English teacher, I cannot help but notice how the usage of the English language and the language itself has changed over the last few years. Although I realize that a language must evolve in order to stay alive and relevant, many of the more recent changes, in my humble opinion, are not at all for the better.

Does it bother anybody other than myself when a meal in a restaurant is concluded, the final bill is presented, cash is tendered, and the wait-person or server (not waiter or waitress anymore) says, "Do you need change?"

So often I have bitten my tongue rather than respond with something like, "Yes, ma'm." (or "Yes sir," depending upon the sex of the supposedly sexless "wait-person" or "server".) Change would be nice. Especially since that is a fifty dollar bill that I have given you to pay for my tuna melt and Diet Dr. Pepper. You were good, but not that good!"

In days gone by, the server would simply say, "I'll be right back with your change."

There is a subtle but significant difference between those two responses to payment. The first response connotes an expectation of a tip. ("The money here is mine! Do you want some of it back?") The second one suggests that the server hasn't even given a thought to his or her own reward for good service, and he or she is present solely to make your dining experience a pleasurable one. (Which is all know is pure and unadulterated horse shit, but it's a nice fantasy.)

I like my waiters and waitresses to be unassuming...and sexed.

I have also noticed over the last decade or so that the sentence, "You're welcome" has been replaced by "No problem." Why does this bother me? I'm not sure. Probably because "You're welcome" is a pleasantry that implies no guilt, while "No problem" leads one to believe that the favor being tendered could be construed as a monumental inconvenience if the doer of the favor wasn't such a wonderful, benevolent and understanding human being.

I never accept that guilt. I figure that the words, "Thank you" absolve me from all guilt.

However, the audacity of "No problem" still rankles me.

Then there is the plight of the once obscure and now thoroughly overused word, "absolutely." Why do people insist upon using four syllables to say the exact same thing as the monosyllabic "yes"?

This is going to get me in trouble, but...It seems to me that women in particular are guilty of this sin. (I know. I know. As my father always used to say to me, "Jim, you just missed another golden opportunity to keep your goddamned mouth shut!)

There was a time when "absolutely" was a word used for emphasis. This is no longer the case. When the superlative becomes commonplace, it is no longer super. "Yes" would almost always suffice.

That brings me to the word, "awesome". Here is another once-powerful word that used to express strong emotion which has now been reduced in stature through gross overuse. Let's be honest. When was the last time you were so struck by the cleanliness of a kitchen floor that it took your breath away?

Sunsets and autumn foliage are awesome. Most of what Madison Avenue would have us believe is awesome, in truth, is not. Nice maybe, but certainly not awesome.

Now, I have a serious question for all of those who are old enough to remember a time when the only "Spell Check" available was a twenty-five pound, unabridged book of words compiled by the descendants of a man named Webster. These books were often found in rooms called libraries. (Libraries, at least in today's schools, have metamorphosed into Media Centers.)
I
n the olden days, we would laboriously pore through those onion skin pages to manually (That's right, children. I said "manually"!) compare our creatively spelled words with the true and correct spellings.

So, for all of you who remember dictionaries, IBM Selectric typewriters and White-Out, my question is this: ""What kind of word is "blogger?" I would assume that the word itself is a noun, and that "blog" is a noun and a verb. (How would you conjugate that?) "To blog" must the infinitive, and "blogging" would more than likely be the gerund. Seems that words no longer fit neatly into grammatical categories any more like "noun" and "verb".

When I was younger, we used to send somebody a message. (Noun). These days we message somebody (Verb). Abd we are really into messaging. (Gerund.)

(For those of you who are befuddled by the words "conjugate", "infinitive" and "gerund", I have a simple suggestion - look them up!)

How about the word, "totally." I'm not quite sure what this word means any more. I truly believe that it's only function is to fill up dead space in a spoken sentence.

For example, I was at a script reading prior to the beginning of a play rehearsal schedule. One of the younger actresses turned to another one and gushed, "In this scene, we are totally going to hug each other!" Question: How do you partically hug a person? Use only one arm?

Now, as a student of English for over fifty years, I completely understand, as I have stated at the beginning of this essay, that a living language is constantly in a state of flux. New words are always being added, defunct ones are removed, and definitions of words often change as they age. (For example, the original meaning of the word "villain" was "farmer". "Sly" first meant "intelligent." "Knight" at one time meant "young boy.")

Change is healthy, good and inevitable, but does it mean that I have to like it?

NOT!

Does it make me feel old and archaic?

Totally and Absolutely!