The Senior Citizens' Suicide Vigilante Society

FADE IN - INT. DAY - WEST PALM BEACH FLORIDA - OFFICES AND STUDIOS OF CONSERVATIVE TALK RADIO STATION FOR THE RUSH LIMBAUGH SHOW

OLD GEEZER GUS, 85, a suicide hit man in the Senior Citizens' Suicide Vigilante Society, aka the SCSVS, is on a guided tour with a group of other seniors just outside RUSH LIMBAUGH'S studio. As the group is ushered into a side viewing room to meet the HOST during a commercial break, GUS suddenly pulls a modern handgun from his sports coat pocket and fires three rounds into the HOST'S chest, who dies immediately.

GUS
Sianarra, you two-faced talk show trickster!

Still brandishing the weapon, several public relations assistants and security guards back away, allowing GUS to make his way to the stairs, where he slowly climbs to the top floor. At the top of the stairwell he reloads his gun and blasts away at a locked door until it pops open. He steps outside, ambles to the edge of the building and calmly steps off, falling to his death.

DISSOLVE TO INT. DAY - NEW YORK - EXECUTIVE OFFICES OF AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL GROUP INC.

OLD-TIMER TINA, 79, a suicide hit woman in the SCSVS, is delivering cookies to top executives in a plush meeting room when she suddenly takes out a Saturday-night special and pops caps into the heads of three top execs, two men and one woman. Blood gushes from their open head wounds, splattering an oak table and chairs and the rich, cut pile carpet.

TINA
Adieu, you conspiring corporate con artists!

As others flee from the room, PAULA sits down at the long executive table and stares resolutely out the window. She takes out a small capsule from her handbag, pours water from a crystal decanter into a crystal glass, and swallows the pill. Hearing security guards scrambling outside the meeting room, she fires three shots into the teak panels of the room's interior and waits for the poison to take effect. Within three minutes she is dead.

CUT TO INT. DAY - MCLEAN, VIRGINIA - DRIVEWAY AT THE HOME OF NEWT GINGRICH

OLD FOGEY FRED, 88, a suicide hit man in the SCSVS, approaches the driveway using a waist-high walker. He smiles and waves at the unsuspecting HOME OWNER, who sneers at the old man and turns his back on him as he inserts a key into the driver door. TOM pulls an old revolver out from under the belted waist of his trousers and points it at the back of the man in the driveway. He fires twice. The HOME OWNER falls to the ground, looks up at TOM and pleads for his life.

HOME OWNER
What the hell are ya doin'? Why'd ya shoot me in the back? You're just an old man, for Pete's Sake!

FRED
Because you're a liar and a hypocrite, just like the rest of them.

FRED walks and stands over the HOME OWNER.

HOME OWNER
For the love of God you old bastard, please stop, please don't shoot me again!

FRED
Your days are over, you conservative political phony!

FRED grimaces and fires three more bullets into the HOME OWNER'S chest. Fresh blood runs down the paved driveway to the street. The scene is eerily silent. As the eyes of the dead man stare blankly skyward, a WOMAN suddenly breaks the silence, running out of the house screaming bloody murder. She glares at FRED and then collapses next to the body of the former house speaker, howling hysterically. FRED puts the barrel of the small pistol to his temple and squeezes off the final round, dying instantly.

DISSOLVE TO INT. NIGHT - CNN CENTER ATLANTA

CHUCK ROBERTS
A radical murder-for-hire group known as the Senior Citizens' Suicide Vigilante Society took the lives of three more prominent Americans today, a short list of right-wingers that included a celebrity conservative radio talk show host, three highly successful corporate insurance executives, and a one-time Republican party speaker of the house...the SCSVS, which currently boasts a membership of some 1,000 golden-agers, claims to be the custodian and patriarch of quote, a new age of watchdog activism aimed at the conservative right-wing political and corporate old-guard establishments destroying the very fabric of freedom, democracy and world peace on a planet ravaged by greed, corruption, and religious insanity, end quote.

DISSOLVE TO EXT. DAY - LATE AFTERNOON - FIRING RANGE IN REMOTE CALIFORNIA DESERT

Hundreds of senior citizens practice their shooting skills, firing at human cutouts 50 yards away. Dressed in casual golf and tennis apparel and wearing ear muffs and shooting glasses, the old folks appear relaxed, organized and in good spirits discharging a wide assortment of handguns at a dozen or so stationary targets.

VOICE-OVER
According to recent reports, conservative talk show hosts are spinning fewer lies, corporate insurance companies are providing faster payouts, and politicians on both sides of the isle are using more straight talk in their lives as public servants. This dramatic change in the landscape of American business and politics, from Wall Street to Main Street, is due in large part to the efforts of the Senior Citizens' Suicide Vigilante Society, or SCSVS, a league of old-age pensioners turned new-age defenders against the unprecedented rise in the political, corporate, and religious lies and corruption reeking havoc on the foundations of freedom in America and the rest of the world.

DISSOLVE TO INT. NIGHT - CARD ROOM - SENIOR CITIZENS' CENTER IN WEST LOS ANGELES

Three members of the SCSVS are opening folders containing the group's latest hit-list assignments. GRANNY GLENDA, 75, flips open her folder and peers at an 8x10 glossy of former Vice President DICK CHENEY.

GLENDA
Think you can make a fortune on the casualties of war and get away with it? Addio you two-faced, right-wing political and corporate cutthroat!

ELDERLY ED, 92, opens his folder and stares at a publicity head shot of televangelist KENNETH COPELAND.

EDDIE
All of your false religious pomposity isn't going to do you a bit of good now, you fork-tongued, god-fearing faker!

PENSIONER PAUL, 69, opens his folder and pulls out a collection of headshots and candid photos of several Wall Street CEOs, including Goldman Sachs Group Inc.'s HANK PAULSON and JOHN MACK of Morgan Stanley.

PAUL
Well, well, well, look at all the cheating banditos. Hasta la vista you conniving corporate fat cats.

DISSOLVE TO EXT. SPACE - SHOT OF THE BLUE MARBLE

VOICE-OVER
And so it goes, beware to the ultimate liars and hypocrites in the top echelons of American corporate and political power. The SCSVS is watching, waiting, and ready to continue its fight to free America - and the world - of those who think they can continue to exploit the poor and plunder the planet to feed their own greed!