The New Sensation of Feeling Old

OK, I do and I think I don't like it. I'm not even sure when it started to happen. It seemed to sneak up on me. It's a new sensation, that's for sure. I couldn't have been old for very long. I'm only 38 after all, OK 39 in March but still! That's not old, right? Oh god. It's almost 40. How could that have happened though? It's almost like I was 25, blinked a couple times and now I'm....old. I don't feel like I should be this old. I mean, I still enjoy listening to loud music in the car and playing video games. Fart jokes are still funny and nothing's better than goofing off with my kids.

My kids! I could blame them for my age!

The day I couldn't turn on, let alone change the channel to, a new tv we had gotten I felt old. Not because I had to call my husband at work to ask him how to use it and the dvd player attached to it, but because my nine year old walked in the room, flipped a few switches, turned on the tv, put it on the correct setting, powered up the dvd player and asked "What do you want to watch?" before I could even finish dialing. Also,when my eight year old was in the backseat singing every single word to a recently released song about being someone's Superman, by a modern band who's name I didn't even know, I felt old. This wasn't even on Radio Disney! How did he know the words to this when I had never heard it before? And my six year old, my baby, talks constantly about the video games he's going to create when he grows up. He's got it all planned out. Characters, levels and even names for the games. Hell, give him a computer, he could probably design it now! He can load a DSi and maneuver through it's settings to find what he's looking for with his eyes closed. I don't even know what DSi stands for. And, yeah, I've been asked. This makes me feel ancient.

Technology! I could blame technology for my feelings of oldness!

Sure I want all the newest gadgets that play games, movies, music and more! Sure, I am part of the Facebook society. Sure I want a phone that slides and browses the internet and has more aps than I even realize exist. I mean, you just never know when you'll need to google the opening hours of the cattle market in Harare for goodness sakes! And the accessories I can buy to dress up my gadget with! Don't even get me started! The skins, the carrying cases, the headphones, the plastic thingymacbobbers that go around your gadget and the colors galore! I could use them all to make me look cool, young and hip. Er, I mean I could use them to make my laptop, psp, mp3, phone, ipod, netbook, electronic book reading device (really?) look cool, stylish and hip.

~sigh~

Seriously, who am I fooling? I've aged. Since when did I start having to drink a cuppa coffee in the morning to actually wake up? I used to have a cup to enjoy while having a quiet moment reading a gossip rag in the afternoon. It was cozy and peaceful. These days you're putting your life at risk if you talk to me BC (before coffee). One morning I walked out of the house to take the kids to school, and I'm not exaggerating here, I left the house without my purse, my keys or my shoes. How does that happen? Not only that, but I walked all the way to the car before I noticed! My daughter asked "Mommy have you had your coffee yet?" I glared at her. "I'll take that as a no." she said as I boosted her through an unlocked window so she could get my damned keys, so I could get them to school, so I could get back home and feed my addiction. Java sweet java.

And excuse me, but where did all these grey hairs come from? OK, there aren't that many. They are still random and unpredictable, nothing to dye my hair over. But I'm not just talking about some slightly grey discoloring. I'm talking shining white, sparkling hairs that can be seen in the mirror from across the room shimmering in the sunlight. I'm convinced a full length white hair must have crawled into my scalp during the night (or sometime during a really bad day) and implanted itself there just to remind me of the passage of time that's making it's way over me. Wouldn't I have noticed it before it got that length naturally?

And there's other things, like: My body sometimes creaks and aches when getting up in the morning and I seem to pull muscles much easier and for no apparent reason. The other day I yelled out my car window at a teenage boy who I don't know to "PULL UP YOUR PANTS!" I think the petty drama that girls create and subscribe to is annoying and ridiculous. When I sing along to their Jonas songs my kids act embarrassed. I prefer a hand written note, in cursive, rather than texting. I drive the speed limit and get mad at tailgaters and cutter offers in traffic. To me Pluto still is and always will be a planet. I take multivitamins daily with my coffee, the coffee that I drink, not because it's cool and hip but because I NEED IT!!! But really, does that mean I'm getting old?

If it does I guess it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I mean, I've got three awesome kids who make me laugh and who make everyday a brand new adventure. I have a husband who has put up with me for hundreds of years and despite my stray greys, my addiction, and my pulled muscles he still seems to think I'm "da bomb" (ha!) I'm able to understand and use today's technology without being too frightened of it. I canceled my subscription to Petty Girl Drama long ago. I have friendships that have stood the test of time and endured. I know basically what I want from life and what it takes to get it. I know what I have to put up with and what I don't. And hey, with age and experience comes confidence and a know-how in the sack that I wouldn't trade with any 20something. So what if I'm looking down the barrel of middle age! So what if my kids get embarrassed by me singing and dancing around to Rick Springfield! I've earned the right to embarrass them! I'm old darn it!