The Sex-Positive Woman: A Handbook

She's brash. She's bold. She's willing to drag you into the bedroom on nights when it wasn't even your idea, and once she gets you there, she suggests doing things that you thought no woman ever wanted to do without getting paid.

Sound too good to be true? It's not. Contrary to popular misconceptions about women and sex (you know, the ones about us not liking it, ever, for any reason), high-libido, sex-positive women do exist. The only problem is, we tend to be a bit unusual and a bit outside the scope of what guys normally think they want and should be looking for.

1. She's not a beauty queen.

In general, a woman who's confident with her sexuality is not going to be a beauty queen. Now, that's not to say she isn't pretty, or even stunning; it just means that beauty isn't her life. She doesn't freak out over broken nails or gaining two pounds or not wearing makeup every single time another human being lays eyes on here. And that means that *gasp* she's actually thinking about how to attract men with her personality. Who'd'a thunk?

2. She's confident.

Confidence is a must for a real sex-positive attitude. You can't have any kind of good sex if you're constantly worrying about how you look, whether you're making funny noises, what he thinks of your turn-ons and how mussed your hair is getting. Sex-positive women know better than to get hung up on tiny details when there's good sex to be had.

However there's a flip side to this: you can't shame or insult this kind of woman into dressing, acting, doing her hair, having sex, or treating her body in the way you want her to. Try it and she'll kick you to the curb - sorry!

3. She has a sense of humor

Sex positive women are the ones who don't take themselves too seriously - they're also the ones who aren't afraid that laughing and making jokes is somehow unladylike or unsexy. If you think it is, you don't deserve her or what she brings to the bedroom.

4. She's smart.

You wouldn't think that a person necessarily has to be smart in order to enjoy sex, but the thing is, women are so often taught that enjoying sex makes us impure, or un-feminist, or dirty, or "easy," or a million other stupid messages, that we internalize them and turn off our sex drives from inside our own heads. It takes a smart girl, however, to see through this kind of conditioning and come out on the other side ready - and willing - to get some action and like it.

5. She won't put up with crap.

Sex-positive women tend, oftentimes, to be late bloomers. That means that during high school, while far too many of you guys were busy chasing the beauty queens, we were being ignored. Ten years or so later, many of you have finally figured out that beauty queen is actually kind of frigid in the sack, so you're acting like you're doing us a favor by finally tossing some attention our way when you hear from your buddies that we actually like giving oral sex. Sorry, fellas - the ship has sailed, and we're having lots of fun with the nerdy guys who noticed us all along. Want to get in our pants? Learn some contrition!