The Sexual Value of Women

For the past five thousand years, a woman's value depended solely on the benefit she could provide men, either as pleasurable sexual object or as a vehicle for procreation and servitude.

While I like to think conditions have improved for women in developed countries over the past few decades, and we certainly have made progress, (we can vote, go to college, and even participate in government), I wonder how much has really changed.

Certainly a woman's sexuality has never been more significant than today. While women in developed countries are increasingly contributing to the world, is a woman's body still primarily the focus of her value?

While sitting in a waiting room of the doctor's office I glanced through a magazine geared toward girls ages 12-17, and much of the content and advertising in the magazine centered on increasing a girl's physical attractiveness, sexual appeal, and ability to please "guys".

Is this any different than what parents taught their young girls five thousand years ago, when a female's value had little to do with her personhood, talents, or unique contributions to humankind? When the sole value of a female is based on her procreative abilities and sexual attractiveness, the focus of a girl's life is inevitably her ability to attract a man. For millennia, a father's biggest concern for his daughter was how sexually valuable she was. A mother's duty was to teach her daughter how to improve and increase her desirability. It was clear, the more physically attractive and capable of child bearing the young woman, the better the marriage proposal.

For thousands of years, since the advent of patriarchy when men began to have exclusive power and wealth, women had few options for survival other than receiving resources from men. Women had few rights, could not own land, and were the property of either their father or husband. In many societies, women could not get an education, could not participate in the religious community, and could not participate in government. A woman was entirely dependent on a male (father or husband) for survival. If she were without family support, her only way of making money would be through her body, most often through prostitution.

Of course, today women have many more opportunities, and numerous countries provide for those in need, but has the underlying dynamic changed? Is there some innate tendency for women to define their value based on their attractiveness or usefulness to men?

If so, when and how will this dynamic change? When will we, as a society value woman for their unique contributions to the world? When will men value women regardless of their attractiveness? When will women see themselves as incredible human beings regardless of how sexually valuable they are to men?

We see a myriad of women's magazines teaching women all sorts of ways to be more pleasing to men. One can hardly turn on the television without an overwhelming sense of women being valued primarily for her sexuality. Walk through any mall and observe the clothing specifically designed to entice men in every window. The message? The more sexually attractive and beautiful a woman, the more value she is to men. A woman's sexual appeal is what makes her significant or desirable.

Why has our society not moved on? How could we come so far and yet still be holding onto this primitive and archaic unhealthiness?

Are men thwarting the efforts of women to be valued as contributing equal human beings? Are women using their newfound sexual freedom in unhealthy ways promoting rather than eliminating the destructive, unhealthy tendencies of our primitive ancestors?

Today, in much of the world, a woman's opportunities have certainly improved. Women can be educated, participate in the workplace, own property, initiate divorce, and be valued for their contributions to society. Yet, increasingly we see a subtle retreat in moving forward as human beings. While we slowly move toward equality, at the same time we seem to be embracing a phenomenon many women have fought very hard to transcend.

With all this newfound opportunity, we see more and more girls and young women feeling a need to exploit their bodies. We see this in the halls of any local high school; we see it on the internet; we see it at the malls and in magazines. We see teenage girls being sexually available to any young man who wants five minutes of attention.

How can we alter this deep seated, perhaps hardwired tendency for women to define their value through their sexual attractiveness to men? How can men learn to value women without focusing on her form and it use?

Let me offer five suggestions.

1. As adults, parents, teachers, community members, media producers and consumers, we must collectively stop emphasizing the need for girls and women to be attractive to men in order to feel valuable. We cannot afford to blame each other but must take responsibility for our part in a society that emphasizes a female's sexuality above her unique self. Do the media we watch sexualize women? Does it objectify the female body? Alternatively, does it increase the awareness of females being valuable contributors to society regardless of her weight or form?
2. We must value girls and women for their personhood. We must teach girls their worth is not based upon attractiveness, sexuality, or how many men look at their bodies. We must each send a strong message that the value of any human being is independent of one's particular form or how others respond to it.
3. We must support girls in finding their unique talents, gifts, and interests. The more girls finds ways to express themselves in positive, uplifting, and productive ways, the less they will feel their value is exclusive to their form. The better they feel about their individuality, the less need they will feel for sexual validation.
4. Girls need strong role models. We must teach girls that confident women do not need to show their bodies to feel valuable. Confident women do not base their value on how many men want to go to bed with them, or how they look in a swimsuit. Strong women understand their sexuality and have no need to exploit it or use it to boost their self-esteem.
5. Men need to value women regardless of their form. Adult men must become role models to the younger generations of males. Men must eliminate the, "old boy's", obsolete mentality that promotes the objectification and degradation of women. Valuing woman as human beings is essential to making changes in our world.

Today while we applaud and celebrate society's advances regarding women, we have a long way to go to rid ourselves of the underlying need to establish the value of women by how sexually attractive they are to men.

It will take a collective effort to move humankind beyond this primitive tendency of equating a woman's value with her sexual appeal but with awareness, conscious choices, and commitment, we can bring a new sense of appreciation and respect for women.