The Shoe-icide Attacker

President Bush made a visit to Iraq over the weekend to meet with Prime Minister Nouri Maliki. A press conference was held Sunday to discuss the newly signed security agreement between the United States and Iraq. During the press conference an angry journalist named Muntadar al-Zaidi, who should be known as the Shoe-icide Attacker, viciously launched his shoes at President Bush. The Shoe-icide Attacker didn't just throw one shoe, but he launched both of his shoes as if he were firing off multiple RPG's at an enemy. President Bush apparently has cat like reflexes because he didn't only dodge the first shoe, but he dodged both shows thrown at him. He did all of this with the everyday smirk he so often has. After the incident occurred the Shoe-icide Attacker was quickly tackled by security guards and escorted away from the building. If President Bush new that he was going to be a target of a Shoe-icide Attacker I am pretty sure he might have brought a bat, seeing that he is a Texas Ranger fan.

The New Era of Terrorism: The Shoe-icide Attacker

I believe a new era of terrorism has been developed by this journalist. As with all of the other terrorism in the Middle East, there are most likely several foolish individuals who would like to follow the great Shoe-icide Attacker. As if it wasn't enough having to deal with their road side bombs, mortar fire and random shots being fired by terrorist who can aim about as well as they spell their name; we now have to deal with random articles of footwear or better known as a Shoe-icide Attacker. Can you imagine being a soldier over their now and having to deal with a Shoe-icide Attacker? Your mission is to keep the streets of Baghdad safe from Shoe-icide Attackers. You and other fellow soldiers are walking down the street with your M16A2 strapped around your shoulder ready to be used. The next thing you know, you were nailed in the head by several dusty brown sandals with two straps and a looped hole for your big toe to slide into. You wonder what in the world just happened, as you look around in disbelief. Then as you gaze upward you see not one Shoe-icide Attacker but multiple Shoe-icide Attackers hanging on a balcony like crazed monkeys. Every one of them is yelling obscenities at you with their fist raised in the air and an American Flag burning on a stick. The code of conduct in the Shoe-icide Attackers handbook is "Smack the infidels, Smack all in the forehead, raise the Sole of your Shoes and Launch". The qualifications to be a Shoe-icide Attacker are fairly simple. If you can't throw your shoe further than 10 yards, you can't become a Shoe-icide Attacker. If you don't wear shoes at all, you can't become a Shoe-icide Attacker and if your shoes aren't yours to begin with, you can't become a Shoe-icide Attacker.

What are the terrorists going to come up with next? We have the Suicide Bomber, the kidnappers, those who behead, those who hijack planes, those who bomb trains and now the Shoe-icide Attacker. I am well aware that it is custom to throw shoes at people you don't like in Iraq. The Statue of Sadam is a good example. When the statue fell, citizens were stomping on it and beating it with their shoes. I would look for more Shoe-icide Attackers in the future. I see it being a safer and more productive way of terrorizing people than blowing yourself into pieces. A good smack across the forehead with the sole of your shoe should drive the point home; don't you think?