The Significance of Ambivalent Feelings in the Classroom

We love somebody and at the same time hate him or her? Isn't it contradictory? Yet it is not outrageous.

Many of us are inclined to resent the naughty behavior of the children we teach, particularly in every possible way.

Yet why should children not be troublesome at times? If there any successful marriage without any disagreement between the partners? Is there any mother who does not wish her beloved child miles away when she is tired or exhausted or preoccupied with household chores? Is it not known that a quarrel will often strengthen the bond between lovers rather than weaken it? Yet do we not all feel desperately guilty and unhappy afterwords, and do we not even try to hide any inkling of such feelings from other people and indeed often refuse to admit them even to ourselves?

In 1910, Bleuler described the phenomenon of contradictory feelings towards people who are close to us and Freud developed by his patents. As time went on it became more and more apparent that this conflict is part of human life. In an article called Psychoanalysis and child care, Bowlby points out that 'the healthy are divided from the sick' principally by their ability to come to terms with such conflicts. He extends these ideas to child rearing and develops them particularly in respect of the ways in which parents can provide opportunities for healthy development. 'Nothing helps a child more,' he says, 'than being able to express his hostile and jealous feelings towards their children, when they occur, but in both cases the intensity of these feelings must be within the limits that the other can bear.

Teachers are, of course, also concerned with the upbringing of the children, and these contradictory feelings therefore unavoidably into the relationship between the teacher and his class. Yet in practice, teachers tend not to make allowances for the expressions of hostile feelings towards them, although they know that they will come to the surface somehow. For instance, every teacher accepts that a new class will 'try him out' after a short 'honeymoon period'. Most teachers accept this as a necessary evil inherent in their work. They would avoid it if they could. They certainly do not think that this particular situation is of value to the children they teach.

Of course, parents do not particularly relish the expression of negative feelings either. It is, however. Becoming more and more accepted that feelings of dislike can be safely expressed at home. Parents usually know that they are also liked and are not too bothered about it. Many teachers however, become very worried at the expression of negative feelings towards them.