The Single Life: When You Have a Fresh Mouth

My mom gave me some not-so-great advice many years ago. She used to say to me, "Samantha (which was code for: 'You're in trouble') -- keep your legs and your mouth closed." Sometimes it was simply, "shut your hole," when she was irritated by my sound.

I wasn't allowed to speak much as a child and when I was, what I said was often inappropriate with sexual undertones. I also had really bad timing in public.

I listened to her back then because I didn't have a choice. Eventually I grew up to become a well-known Penthouse Pet centerfold for June of 1993, a B-movie actor and producer, a television and radio talk show host, and a writer. Does anyone besides me see the irony that I've made my living and found my success in life by doing the opposite of what she instructed me to do?

Someone was always telling me that I had a "fresh mouth" or a "fresh face" growing up: If it wasn't that crazy lady who made me, it was the school principal, my teachers, kids on the corner'"their parents, even the store-owners along 7th Avenue in Brooklyn. When I did express myself, it was blunt, expletive-filled and to the point; there was little doubt I was my mother's daughter.

For an image, think of Tatum O' Neal in the movie Paper Moon. Like her character, I learned at a young age that most times you only get the one shot to say what you mean, so it better be memorable.

There's a lot of power in how we use speech. You can kill a man's dream with just one word, "No." Or change a person's life with, "Yes!" Expression can sweep you up in a feeling of euphoria or it can crush your heart. A simple statement can make it all better, or it can ruin everything beyond repair. Each one of us knows from experience, once you've said it out loud, you can't take it back.

Speaking up is critical to a couple's staying power. You need to be open and honest with each other about your feelings, expectations and boundaries. All aspects of your relationship should be candidly addressed; especially what goes on in the bedroom when the lights go off.

If all your secret fantasies and fetishes were being fulfilled and explored by your lover there would be less chance of you ever cheating on them, don't you think? Being truthful about what you like sexually helps your mate to better satisfy you. In return, they must feel comfortable communicating what turns them on, or they will find someone else they can open up to. This is why so many men use prostitutes; they feel like their wives don't understand them, and they can't be themselves.

Talking dirty is a great way to use foul language as foreplay. It's an unconditional and unfiltered way to express your hidden desires, plus you can role-play and become other people in bed. There are no rules. Just tell your partner what you want to do to them, and what you want done to you. The more explicit you articulate the better.

All these years later I'd like to say, "Mother is always right." But where would I be today if she was, had I heeded her words? I'd be some other person, probably just as happy, but nowhere near as interesting. Thank God I didn't listen to half the shit she told me.

My advice to you? If I were your mother?

1. Open your mouth
2. Open your mind
3. Open your heart
4. Open your legs
5. Never close them

And finally: Good things will come to you if you let them in.