The Six Best and Worst Student Jobs

If your anything like I was as a student, then I'm guessing by 5 weeks into your new found freedom and non stop partying, you managed to blow your student loan, maxed out your overdraft and credit cards and are contemplating the world of work to pay for this new lifestyle.

So what's on offer? Well, in this current climate, not much. However...

The good news is, there ARE jobs out there and you CAN get one.

The bad news is, there are jobs out there, and you can get one.

They aren't good jobs. They aren't even tolerable jobs. They are jobs from hell, designed to crush every last vestige of ambition and hope from every optimistic little cell in your perky young body, and the truth is, you might have to compete for one and then hang onto it for awhile until the economy has moved from the A&E into a regular hospital room

#1--The McJob

When you go for one of these under no circumstances should you reveal any trace of intelligence or education. Speak in monosyllables, look confused during your interview, and fill out the one-page app in pencil. Bonus points if you can garble your speech without the aid of the drive through order soundbox.

And yes, I would like fries with that.

#2--Outbound Telemarketer

Who doesn't love a good telemarketer? Everybody, that's who!

To get a telemarketing job you just have to, well, you just have to be willing to take a telemarketing job. Instantly you will become the most reviled creature in the developed world, and every single person you call will tell you this and why. In detail. Profanely. Tapeworms get more respect, and they deserve more.

#3--Inbound Call Center CSR

To get this job you will have to be able to type, talk, think, surf the internet, and get sworn at, and all at the same time, while not peeing or leaving your work station for hours and hours on end. You will be tested on this. Then, you will be interviewed on the phone and in person and asked questions about whether you are a 'team player' and like a 'fast-paced' environment.

4--The Supermarkets

It might surprise you to learn that many big supermarkets like ASDA, Tesco, Sainsbury's, and Morrisons still actually pay wages to their employees. Tiny wages, yes, but wages nonetheless. Oh, it's true, they make you work off the clock and skip your breaks and cheat you out of promotions and so on and so forth, but we're going into this knowing that we're passing through the gates of Hell, remember? So no whining!

#5--Pay Day Loan Clerk

If you've never met Satan but you've always wanted to, this is the job for you! However, if you are a sensitive type who is alarmed by desperate crackheads, old people who can't even afford cat food, or scary looking guys who are willing to track you down as soon as they get out of prison and kill you, then this might not be your best bet. If things like that roll right off your back and you have a no-fear take-no-prisoners kind of attitude, you just may get hired.

#6--Retail

Mostly this kind of work is about showing up even when you don't want to, which will be 99% of the time, It also helps if you are willing to work 60 to 90 hours a week and fill in for other employees who quit on short notice, which will happen on an ongoing basis.

The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way

I've successfully managed to avoid having a 'real' job for years now - without resorting to using the same t-bag for 3 days, shopping at Aldi, or having pasta for 12^th night in a row.