The Skinny on Being Skinny

"Goodness, look how fat you are!" That's hardly an appropriate greeting in a salon full of gawking onlookers. What about, "Look at how big you are. What do you eat?" No? Why then is it acceptable to say something similar to skinny women? Yeah, I know, we're not supposed to complain. Our lives are supposedly ideal because we're slim, right? Wrong. You'll find most people, especially women, who are under weight are just as self-conscious about their figure as those with extra poundage. Still, for some reason that I do not understand, the unabashed stares and mean-spirited comments go, seemingly, unchallenged when the target is tiny.

I've been told that I should be happy about my size and not regard the haters. I do try, but why must I meet with faces twisted in disgust as they survey my small, eighty five pound frame, admonishing me to put on a few before I waste away? Why must I come to your house to be fattened up? Compared to your prepubescent daughter as if my size is some kind of joke that nature is playing on a grown woman? Clearly, your words are meant to suggest something's wrong with me, so why, exactly, should I be happy about that? "No, she didn't say eighty five pounds. My ten year old weighs more than that" you say. Exactly my point. At only five feet tall and eighty-five pounds, what grown woman wants to be compared to a ten year old child? I'm a woman; mother; wife; professional; I'm not a child. Size aside, I'm every bit a woman, perhaps even more, than someone twice my size. Why shouldn't I rebuke your belittling comments? If you think my size is something to be celebrated, if I am truly the envy of all women, why is your tone insulting and not complimentary? I've envisioned returning the boisterous commentaries. Rebutting, "You are just too skinny" while encircling my wrist to accentuate the point, with, "You are just too fat" while wrapping my fingers around someone's bulging thigh. Wouldn't that be equally rude? Key word: equally.

Don't misunderstand, I deeply appreciate those who are complimentary and even those envious stares that I get sometimes from women who remember when. At least they're not making me out to be some kind of freak of nature. See, what people don't get is that a lot of us skinny people don't diet to get this way. We're not all anorexics. Skinny does not always feel like the advantage.

At a party with another skinny girlfriend, a woman too loudly proclaimed before an audience, "Gracious, girl. You are even skinnier than the last time I saw you. You're disappearing before our eyes." As all stares and chuckles descended upon her, my friend confessed that she was just recovering from a hospital stay and a near-death bout with Crohn's disease, a serious inflammatory bowel disease which robs its victims of the ability to digest food without excruciating pain and suffering. Of course, the woman apologized profusely, but my friend should have never had to justify her slim, model-like figure, to a room full of gawkers. She shouldn't have felt like she had to disclose her lifelong medical history there on the spot.

See, the assumption is that we're secure with our weight. Sometimes, yes, but often times, no. We've learned to live with it much the same way as everyone
else has learned to live with their imperfections. This assumption, however, lends itself to a behavior that suggests it's okay to mock the skinny chick, to shine a sardonic spotlight on her body type. It's not. We're not all dieting to stay this way. Most of us are eating like crazy trying to move the scale in the opposite direction, in fact. It's humiliating, hurtful and frustrating when we're picked out of a crowd to be the brunt of jokes or the topic of the moment. Some reading this are probably still saying, "You're not fat, so you should count yourself lucky." Really? No, the way I look at it is if I were fat, I'd probably find more sensitivity towards my feelings. It's socially incorrect to approach a fat person in such a way, but it seems like it's socially acceptable to do the exact same to a skinny person. I guess we're fair game. People advocate against ridiculing fat people. Who defends our feelings? Most won't even bat an eye or recognize the insult.

Women have enough to contend with as far as beauty myths, body image and learning to love self. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all get a little support and even give a little support without prejudice to size?