The Solution to Ending Illegal Immigration

How many times have you heard this on a news report dealing with immigration: I lost my job to an illegal alien who was willing to work for less than me?

Doesn't that logic just kill you? It's so…so…American. Let's blame the guy who is making twice what he would make in his home country even though he's making half what you make. And do you know why he's making half what you make?

BECAUSE SOMEBODY IS WILLING TO EXPLOIT HIM IN ORDER TO INCREASE PROFIT!

The solution to the illegal hiring of illegal immigrants is one of the few problems faced by America today that has a simple solution. And no, I don't mean building a wall along the southern border. And no I don't mean arming Texans to patrol those borders. Arming Texans for any reason is generally not a good idea, okay?

No, the solution to the problem of immigration goes hand in hand with the real problem that illegal immigration poses. You can't fairly blame a person for taking a job that pays less than you. That's like blaming the New York Yankees for paying ballplayers more than the Kansas City Royals. Oh wait, people do that all the time. The same people who were scared to death of the communist threat also take issue the central tenet of capitalism: Those with the most money have the most power. You can't escape it. That is the very essence of capitalism.

And capitalism is the very essence of our illegal immigrant problem. Do you honestly blame the owner of a business for employing a Mexican national for two bucks an hour and no benefits? Well, yeah, if you expect that people who take advantage of the system called capitalism should have a conscience. But the fact is that 99% of the people who take advantage of all the great opportunities that American gives them don't have a conscience.

Which brings us to the solution. Instead of punishing the poor guy who wants to come to America to carve out a better future for himself-like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Elton John-why not punish the people who are really responsible?

Bush's new immigration bill takes a stab at this by promising to hold employers accountable. As usual, Bush's approach is fraught with the impotence of a man who is totally clueless as to how real people live.

In a nutshell, then, here is how you solve the problem of illegal immigrants taking jobs away from citizens in less than a year. Whenever a business owner is found to be employing illegal aliens he is arrested without bail and put on trial. (Bush would probably go for this because his Patriot Act is really big on allowing people to be held without bail for an indefinite amount of time.)

After the trial, should the business owner be found guilty, he then receives a mandatory jail sentence of five years PER ILLEGAL EMPLOYEE.

Now, here's the part that makes this work. When I say business owner, I mean the person at the very tip of the iceberg. In other words, if the business is Joe's Taco Stand, then Joe-if he really is the owner-goes to jail. On the other hand, if a Walmart in El Paso is found to be employing illegal aliens, then the CEO of Walmart goes to jail.

See how that would solve the problem? If the CEO of Walmart knew that he would be spending no less than twenty years in prison-and I mean a real prison and not some country club minimum security establishment-because four different illegal aliens were found working at his stores, guess what he'd do. Yeah, he'd make damn sure there weren't any illegal aliens working at any Walmart in America.

And the owner of the three auto body stores in El Sugundo would probably take great pains to make sure he wasn't hiring illegal immigrants.

And Joe at that Taco Stand would as well.

The blame for illegal immigrants taking jobs away from American citizens should not be placed on the immigrant. Do you blame Alex Rodriguez for signing with the Yankees for a trillion dollars? The difference is that it's perfectly legal-if idiotic-for Steinbrenner to shell out that kind of money for an A-Rod. But it's illegal for a business owner to pay an illegal immigrant half or less what he would pay to a citizen. The blame is with the owner.

As usual.

Let's put the fear of God in them. Better yet, let's put the fear of shower rape in them.

And that will solve the problem of illegal immigrants taking jobs away from American citizens.