The Spirit of Chrismukkah

The past few years I've heard a lot about Chrismukkah. What is Chrismukkah you ask? I'm ashamed to admit this, but I first learned about Chrismukkah on the television show the O.C. On the O.C. Seth, played by Adam Brody, insists that every year his family celebrates Chrismukkah, the combination of Christmas and Hanukkah. That way Christians and Jews can celebrate their holiday of choice together. In 2004, Chrismukkah was taken to a new level by Ron and Michelle Gompertz who started selling Chrismukkah cards on Chrismukkah.com. Some of the Chrismukkah cards were humorous cards while other Chrismukkah cards told detailed mythology about the fictional holiday. Now a new holiday, called Chrismahanukwanzakah, has spawned combining Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza. I got to thinking. Why does Chrismukkah get to have all the fun? Surely there are other holidays we can combine too.

Give a Moon Day
In the spirit of Chrismukkah I would like combine December 5th's Full Moon Day with December 6th's Give a Secret Gift Day to form Give a Moon Day. That's right it's time to spread some good ole fashioned holiday cheer. You can even wish someone a Happy Give a Moon Day from your own car. Just press that buttocks up against the window and tell people how special you think they are. And don't forget Give a Moon Day is about giving, not receiving. Even if nobody moons you, you should moon as many people as possible.

International Bad Cotton Candy Hair Day
Next in the spirit of Chrismukkah I'd like to take December 7th's Cotton Candy Day with December 6th's International Bad Hair Day. It's pretty simple. All you need to do is go to your local mall, or wherever it is you purchase your cotton candy. Get in front of a mirror with your cotton candy, take the cotton candy out the bag, put the cotton candy on your head and make yourself a hairdo! Go nuts people. You can make yourself a purple fro, you can go with a pink Mohawk or maybe you prefer my favorite, the blue mullet. Let's hope it doesn't rain!

X-Ray Vanilla Cupcake Day
Another good amalgamation would be to combine X-Ray Discovery day on November 8th with Vanilla Cupcake Day on November 10th. The X-Ray is a wonderful tool and we should certainly celebrate it, but no celebration is complete without vanilla cupcakes. Of course the big tradition on X-Ray Vanilla Cupcake Day will be playing the game Vanilla-Ray! This game is simple. You get one person to stand behind the x-ray. Then on the x-ray you mark a spot that will be the goal. Everyone will lineup and take turns tossing a piece of Vanilla Cupcake into the mouth of the person being X-rayed. Then everyone will watch as the piece of cupcake bounces around in the person's stomach until it lands. Whoever comes closest to the spot marked the goal is the winner. It's sort of like that Plinko game on the Price is Right.

Grouchy Boss Day
I know what you're thinking, why would we want a Grouchy Boss day? But think about it currently there is a Grouch Day on October 15th and a Boss's Day on October 16th. All bosses are grouches aren't they? So really they get two holidays in a row! That's a whole lot of grouchy bosses to deal with. But Chrismukkah is here to save the day. Now we can combine the two into one day, the only day of the year where bosses are allowed to be as grouchy as they want. But don't worry employees, just for you we'll combine October 17th's Pasta Day with October 18th's Chocolate Cupcake Day. All that grouchiness you'll see at work will soon be cured by your Chocolate Pasta Cupcakes.

Fatty Week
Some holidays are so special that they don't just last one day. It takes several days to be able to fully celebrate, much like Fatty Week. October 1st is Cherry Popover Day, followed by Blueberry Popsicle Day. The 5th is Cheese Pizza Day and the 6th is Coffee Ice Cream Day. Finally there is Hot Dog Day on the 9th. So I suggest we combine them into one big Fatty Week! Eat all the junk food you can. Don't be afraid to mix and match either. Blueberry Ice Cream! Cheese Popsicles! Coffee Pizza! And don't worry, if you gain too much weight during Fatty Week there is always Sewing Machine Day on the 10th so you can make yourself some new clothes.

Alcatraz Children Day
This holiday is for all you parents out there, it's even better than Father's Day and Mother's Day. There are currently two holidays on August 11th, so it's only natural to combine the two. They are Son's and Daughter's Day and Alcatraz day. For one day you parents get to relax as you ship your kids off Alcatraz. Your children will then be imprisoned and taught all about the prison life. Oh but don't worry, prison isn't all that bad these days, I'm sure they have some kind of arts and crafts. We should probably also combine Lazy Day and St. Lawrence Feast Day on the 10th. That way the kids get a nap and meal before the big trip to Alcatraz.

Fortune Lollipop Day
I've never liked Fortune Cookies. They seem to be shaped the way they are so that you can easily break them. Meaning people can snap open their cookie, take their fortune and run, without even eating the cookie. That doesn't seem right. Why should someone get a fortune for doing nothing? Now we are combining Lollipop Day and Fortune Cookie Day. This one day of the year your fortunes will be inside of a lollipop. But lollipops are too difficult to break open. Nope, you have to lick your way to your fortune! You gotta work for it! You gotta earn it! This isn't lazy day people! It's Lollipop Fortune Day!

Be Kind to Smelly Naked People Day
That's right for years now we've been celebrating Be Kind to Smelly People Day on May 2nd and celebrated Naked Day on May 4th but now we will celebrate further by celebrating smelly people who specifically are naked. After all they are naked. They're armpits aren't covered up and whatnot, so you can smell them easier. Plus if they're naked they're probably dirtier. They have a reason to smell. So on May 3rd find someone who you can tell "Hello Smelly Naked Man, you have a wonderful day."

So there you have it, there is a just a few of the many holidays inspired by Chrismukkah that I could come up with. What holidays can you come up with?