The Stella Awards 2006: Celebrating America's Right to Frivolous Lawsuits

The True Stella Awards, are an honor given to those Americans whose lawsuits are outrageous, hilarious, and sometimes, actually taken seriously. Named after Stella Lieback, a 79 year-old woman who was burned after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee in her lap. While the court of public opinion felt it was frivolous, Ms. Lieback did require 2 years of rehabilitation and skin grafts.

She also attempted to settle with McDonald's for $20,000 in medical expenses, but ended up having to file suit in court, where she was awarded $200,000 in compensatory damages and 2.9 million in punitive damages. The amounts were later reduced to $160,000 and $420,000, as she was found to be 20 percent at fault, but nonetheless, the name "Stella Awards" has stuck, for every lawsuit found to be outrageous by the American public.

The term The True Stella Awards refers to the website that has done the actual sleuthing to ensure the public that these suits are indeed real. Their website stellaawards.com showcases some real whammies in our justice system, and exposes some of the more popular false suits, including the woman who sued the maker of her Winnebago after leaving the wheel (set to cruise control) to eat and crashing the vehicle. According to stellaawards.com and snopes.com, this did not happen. So, here are the runner-ups and winner of the 2006 Stella Awards, as posted at stellaawards.com.

#5- Marcy Meckler

"While shopping at a mall, Meckler stepped outside and was "attacked" by a squirrel that lived among the trees and bushes. And "while frantically attempting to escape from the squirrel and detach it from her leg, [Meckler] fell and suffered severe injuries," her resulting lawsuit says. That's the mall's fault, the lawsuit claims, demanding in excess of $50,000, based on the mall's "failure to warn" her that squirrels live outside."

#4-Ron and Kristie Simmons

"The couple's 4-year-old son, Justin, was killed in a tragic lawnmower accident in a licensed daycare facility, and the death was clearly the result of negligence by the daycare providers. The providers were clearly deserving of being sued, yet when the Simmons's discovered the daycare only had $100,000 in insurance, they dropped the case against them and instead sued the manufacturer of the 16-year-old lawn mower because the mower didn't have a safety device that 1) had not been invented at the time of the mower's manufacture, and 2) no safety agency had even suggested needed to be invented. A sympathetic jury still awarded the family $2 million.."

#3-Robert Clymer

"An FBI agent working a high-profile case in Las Vegas, Clymer allegedly created a disturbance, lost the magazine from his pistol, then crashed his pickup truck in a drunken stupor -- his blood-alcohol level was 0.306 percent, more than three times the legal limit for driving in Nevada. He pled guilty to drunk driving because, his lawyer explained, "With public officials, we expect them to own up to their mistakes and correct them." Yet Clymer had the gall to sue the manufacturer of his pickup truck, and the dealer he bought it from, because he "somehow lost consciousness" and the truck "somehow produced a heavy smoke that filled the passenger cab." Yep: the drunk-driving accident wasn't his fault, but the truck's fault. Just the kind of guy you want carrying a gun in the name of the law."

#2-KinderStart.com

"The specialty search engine says Google should be forced to include the KinderStart site in its listings, reveal how its "Page Rank" system works, and pay them lots of money because they're a competitor. They claim by not being ranked higher in Google, Google is somehow infringing KinderStart's Constitutional right to free speech. Even if by some stretch they were a competitor of Google, why in the world would they think it's Google's responsibility to help them succeed? And if Google's "review" of their site is negative, wouldn't a government court order forcing them to change it infringe on Google's Constitutional right to free speech?"

#1-Allen Ray Heckard

"Even though Heckard is 3 inches shorter, 25 pounds lighter, and 8 years older than former basketball star Michael Jordan, the Portland, Oregon, man says he looks a lot like Jordan, and is often confused for him -- and thus he deserves $52 million "for defamation and permanent injury" -- plus $364 million in "punitive damage for emotional pain and suffering", plus the SAME amount from Nike co-founder Phil Knight, for a grand total of $832 million. He dropped the suit after Nike's lawyers chatted with him, where they presumably explained how they'd counter-sue if he pressed on."

Sounds crazy folks? Seems even funny too, until you realize that even for the people who did not receive a dime, lawyers on both sides had to file and be paid, and a judge may have to be involved as well. While we relish our right to sue, hopefully outing such individuals will shame others into not doing the same thing. Who I am kidding, this is definitely not a deterrent for the abnormal folks, you guys keep on doing what you do best, clogging up the legal system. For the rest of us, we will shake our heads, get a good laugh, and go about our day, knowing the American dream is still alive for those crazy enough to sue for it.

For more information and a subscription to the Stella Awards and their other publication, This is True, visit stellaawards.com.