The Step-Parent's Role in Child Custody Disputes

Step-parents often have the most difficult job when it comes to raising blended families and when you and your spouse become involved in a custody dispute with your stepchild's custodial parent, things become that much more difficult. The role of step-parents in custody disputes is limited from a legal standpoint but from a personal standpoint, the line dictating actions and behavior is blurred. If you're a step-parent who finds themselves party to a custody dispute, here are some tips for understanding your role in the process.

Legal Rights of Step-parents

Legally, step-parents have no relevance to custody cases unless they are petitioning the court directly due to the incapacitation or incompetence of both biological parents. Most often, the legal system will want to deal only with the biological parents with your role being limited to making a statement or testifying on your spouse's behalf should the case go to trial. If you are being threatened by your spouse's ex, you may be able to seek legal protection in the form of a restraining order or trespass warrant. Otherwise, unless you have power of attorney and are required to sign any type of legal document in your spouse's absence, your role is secondary in this arena.

Responsibilities to Your Stepchild

While some step-parents and their step-children click right away, it sometimes takes years for a bond to develop between the two. Whether or not you and your step-child have a close relationship, you have to be aware of your role with regards to their care, safety, and overall well-being. A custody dispute can be very stressful for a child, particularly if they are being dragged into it by one side or the other. With regards to your step-child, it's important for you to remember to remain neutral with regards to the opposing parent. Don't speak ill of them in front of the child or attempt to bribe them into taking your spouse's side. Your role should be a supporting one and you should continue taking care of them as you always have. You want them to feel loved and a part of the family but don't try to force it.

Explaining Things to Your Other Children

If you and your spouse have children then it may be difficult for them to adjust to the idea of their sibling suddenly moving in if they've only been weekend visitors before. They may be curious about the reasons behind the change in situation or they may be questioning their position in the house. It's not necessary to give explicit details but you should talk to your children and encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings. If they're experiencing jealousy, resentment, or a fear of rejection, these are all emotions that must be dealt with sooner rather than later.

Contact With the Biological Parent

Depending on what motivated your spouse to seek custody, your relationship with the ex is likely to be chilly. Any contact you have with them should be limited but you should always be on your best behavior. There's no reason to add to an already negative situation.

Providing Support for Your Spouse

Custody disputes are hard on a marriage because you and your partner may disagree on how your stepchild should be disciplined or what the boundaries of your involvement should be. You and your spouse need to be able to talk about issues related to your stepchild and to the custody dispute without getting upset at one another. Your spouse is relying on you to be a sounding board for their frustrations and a support system for the family. You must work together to make sure you're providing the best environment for your stepchild and the rest of your family as well.

Custody disputes can bring out the worst in parents and for step-parents, the difficulty is compounded because your role is not clearly defined. You can get through a custody dispute with your sanity and your family intact if you know what to expect of the situation and yourself during the process.