The Story of Dad

If you ask me, he's been had!

Eight kids on the porch

One plays with a torch

So strung out, Bob's not even mad

*

An all-time bachelor I will be

With a ring on me you'll never see

(But I met this cute waitress

Who makes me feel weightless)

My resolve is - sort of - down to a T!

*

Bob saw us leave for the show

Darkly he watched, in the know

When the Martians attacked

We necked in the back

She asked if I'd go for Merlot

*

Her apartment was small

"Not near room for all,"

She said, "for our babies -

Lunch tomorrow, maybe?"

And pushed me back into the hall

*

I thought, "Is she crazy?"

My mind all hazy

Right up to the day

She had her way

And named our baby girl Daisy

*

It's 3 AM and she's screaming

I look up and think that I'm dreaming

Over my neck, is my wife

Wielding a knife?

Saying, "Hear the results of your scheming?"

*

She suggests over coffee having three or four

I mumble a little and try not to snore

Our Daisy smiles

My wife is beguiled

When I look she instantly wails some more

*

I've had it with Bob's ugly looks

His sons hanging sisters from giant fish hooks

One kid is enough

Only children grow tough

I read it in all sorts of books

*

Only one kid, I assert!

To stick to this plan I'll be always alert

(But when she's in the mood,

Will I sit there and brood?

And then Daisy beams

At her Daddy, it seems

For once she is happy

Not for food, but for Pappy!

She filled her diaper for Father

To change it? No bother!)

Well, maybe a few more won't hurt . . .