The Suffering of a Saints Fan

Jeff Macolino
Since the age of 3 I have carried around a curse. I was a smart kid. I had a lot of promise. I could read and count into the hundreds with ease. But I loved the color gold. And this would be my downfall.

My father would often buy me football and baseball trading cards. I was shown how they each had numbers on the back and I could put them in order. This really taught me my numbers. I would go through my cards every day. I admired the large glasses worn by Fernando Valenzuela, who I termed "Bubble Eyes."

I also found my new favorite team. I grew up in St. Petersburg, close to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. But my dad was a Raiders fan, my mom a Dolphins fan. I needed my team.

That's when I discovered a Rickey Jackson card in my collection. The gold Saints helmet contrasting against the black, I loved it. And from that day on I became a Saints fan. And that decision made almost 20 years ago, haunted my life for many years.

I don't remember many games from 1990 or 1991. My first main memory is from the 1992 Playoffs. The Saints had never won a Playoff game, but I didn't know that. I just knew they had to keep winning to keep playing. And after three quarters the Saints had a lead over Philadelphia. And then things fell apart. I had just turned 6 and I cried as the Saints collapse ended the promising 1992 campaign.

In 1993 the Saints started 5-0 and I was psyched again. I cried again when the perfect season ended with a loss to Pittsburgh, and then the season fell apart, with my boys finishing 8-8 and missing the Playoffs. It would be many years before I got my team in the postseason again.

I suffered through Wade Wilson, Jim Everett, Heath Shuler, Danny Wuerffel, Billy Joe Hobert AND Billy Joe Tolliver! I saw Jim Mora's reign come to an end and Mike Ditka just make things worse. Through all this I stayed loyal to my terrible team. I loved them, they were a part of me.

When the Bucs started winning I was often teased by fans (who used to be Cowboys and Packers fans) about rooting for the home town team. I had nothing against the Bucs, but I was a Saints fan! I'd been with them my entire childhood, I would not change for anything.

To this day, one of the greatest moments of my life came when I was a Senior in high school and my football team faced Rickey Jackson's alma mater in the state semi-finals. I met Jackson, and had him sign the card - and I'm not big on autographs. He was legitimately happy to meet me and even exchanged a couple e-mails with me afterwards. I was never one to be star struck, but this man, who should be in the Hall of Fame, was the man who helped make me who I am, even if all he did was happen to have a football card.

I never asked for sympathy as my team blew leads, hot starts, and great talent or got cheated by the referees. I just hoped that someday the Saints would make me proud. The Saints were not just a team I rooted for, they were in my blood, my identity.

This is where a lot of people find me sick. But I don't think it's abnormal. I know many Saints fans who have the same undying devotion to the Black and Gold. And there are countless numbers of fans who feel the same towards another sports franchise. I don't think this makes me a bad person, I think it's made me a better person. No one can ever question my loyalty. No one can question my pride or character. I feel that the turmoil I've witnessed from the football field really can help me overcome turmoil in my personal life.

Then 2009 happened. I can't even talk about the Saints 8-0 start. I can't buy into it just yet. I've seen so much bad, I've come to expect the floor to collapse at any point. The Saints have only been my favorite team since 1990, I can't imagine how I'd feel right now if I'd been a fan since their first season of 1967.

Saints fans are strong people. The ones living in New Orleans have had to overcome a lot more in their own lives than they have on the football field. But it's not surprising to me. Saints fans have to be built that way - to overcome, to live to see the next day, hoping that it holds better things.

Now people in the media and in my life are talking of prospects of the Saints going 16-0, and I can't buy it just yet.

So I'll keep holding on my hopes. And if the Saints ever hoist the Lombardi Trophy as the winners of the Super Bowl I will cry like a baby, like thousands of other Saints fans around the world. Their triumph is my triumph, OUR triumph. And that magical moment seems closer to a reality after every game the Saints have played this season. And that magical moment makes us keep coming back for more, not just Saints fans, but fans of all sports.

Maybe this seems extreme to fans who do not associate the same way that I do. And you what? God bless them. I wish my week didn't depend on the performance of the Saints. But for me and millions others, our teams are part of the fabric of our lives. And the hope and dreams that one day we will be proud fans of the championship team!

And on that day, as I cry my tears of joy, I will think the heavens that my favorite color was gold.

Published by Jeff Macolino

Born and raised in St. Petersburg, and I've never left! Finished classes at USF-St. Petersburg in December 2009. I had the joy of working in the Tampa Bay Rays Communications department from June of 2005 to...   View profile

11 Comments

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  • Brad Pierce 11/18/2009

    Thank you so much for your letter. As probably the only Saints fan in Utah, I identified so much with what you said and how you feel. I bought Saints memorabilia and party stuff in 1990 with my mom and have kept it in a drawer - convinced to not use the stuff until a Saints Super Bowl party.

    The day we win one - will be one of the defining days of my life. I have had the opportunity to go to 4 NFL games in my lifetime and have declined every one because I want my first experience to be in the Dome with more Saints fans in one place than I ever thought possible.

    A thousand thank yous for your letter.

  • Christie 11/15/2009

    Thank you for your inspiring letter. I have watched the saints play since Archie quaterbacked and Bum Philips strutted the sidelines and I am still rooting for them! Thank you for adding your "WHO DAT" energy to the Saints Global"Consciousness" I know it is far greater than the limits of our dear city. ( my cousins live in France and root for the Saints)
    Thank you for being part of us, and whether its a win or a loss in the end, I BELEIVE that YOU will cry black and gold! Thank you, bless you, keep the faith!

  • Roger 11/14/2009

    Thank you for this article. As a die hard Saints fan since '78 I feel every bit of what your saying, and damn man my eyes welled up reading it. Geaux Saints!!!

  • Keith 11/14/2009

    Just one of the millions of the die hard Saints fans. I live and die with the Saints year in and year out. I'm cautiously optimistic that this is finally the year. I live in Seattle now and every Sunday I go to the sportsbar. I meet a bucnh of other Black and Gold fans just like I have done for the last 30 years. Go Saints!

  • Ken 11/14/2009

    I was 10 years old when the New Orleans Saints played their first football game at Tulane Stadium. My father was more of a college football fan, but with a little bit of begging, I convinced him to take my brother and I to our first Saints game. That rickity, old stadium seemed so large to a 10 year old boy. Out on the field were Billy Kilmer, Danny Abramowicz, John Gilliam, Jim Taylor, Steve Stonebreaker and the rest of the team, all bigger than life. Of course the Saints lost that day, just like most other Sundays that season. It didn't matter though. On that day a 10 year old boy fell in love with a football team. That boy is now 52 and has never stopped loving the Saints. On Sundays, or any other day the Saints play, my world comes to a halt. I don my Saints jersey (# 9 of course), turn on my television, and cheer my team on. And every Sunday that 10 year old boy re-emerges. I have waited patiently and loyally for "next year" to arrive. If this is truly our year, and th

  • Reggie 11/14/2009

    It really is a great thing to be a sports fan and just LOVE your team no matter what. No matter how bad they make you or how much they screw up, its like your unconditional love will never give up hope that they will emerge victorious. And yes, every year I say to myself that my alma mater will go for the title game this year, and at this point that wont be happening. But no matter how they do, I will always watch their games and go to as many as I can. Sports adds such a dimension to our lives, and yes, it is absolutely in our blood.

  • Regina 11/13/2009

    As someone who has lived with a Saint's fan along with others that love other teams, I know how exciting it is when your team does so well, especially when you have suffered through so many bad seasons. I have watched this year with the many other NFL fans and marveled at the team. They are doing so well and I just hope they go all the way. Good luck Saints!!

  • California Saint ( But, born and bread down the ba 11/13/2009

    I to like you have been a loyal Saints fan. And I believe that I will also shed a few tears if our tesm wins the Super Bowl. I've lived in California for the last 20 years and I went to every Saints & 49ers game for 10 years straight and came out of those games happy 3 times. I will always love our team, and I just wanted to let you know that there are others that feel the exact same way you do. BLACK & GOLD SUPERBOWL !!!!!

  • Brother 11/13/2009

    I am 57 and have been a Saints Fan all my life. I have children who have been Saints Fans all their life. This year is different. Can you imagine Sharper is tied for 5th in scoring on this team. I keep telling my kids "This is not your Daddy's Saints team"!!

  • Nichole Maire Crankshaw 11/13/2009

    ironic my first football memory is te eagles/saints playoff game but i got excited because the eagles beat the saints.And i was 3 and did my touchdown hand sign.

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