The Survival of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is under reported due largely to fear. One can be made aware of the potential for violence if one knows what to look for. Learning the signs can save your life or the life of someone close to you.

The one thing all of these calls have in common is that two officers will be sent to the scene. What is the reasoning behind this? Domestic violence is the most explosive situation an officer can encounter. There is no guarantee that the one reporting the violence will not turn on the officer sent to help them.

Surviving domestic violence means that you have to love yourself enough to leave. The violence starts slowly and builds to an increasingly dangerous crescendo.

There are subtle remarks about your looks, your clothes or your intelligence. The physical violence is always justified with one of these remarks. When it is the offender is usually yelling.

It is your fault somehow that they felt the need to get violent for no reason that you can see. It could have been something they told you to do that set them off. The yelling begins with "Why did you make me do that?" at least that is what I always heard along with "Look what you made me do." Control and fear are how abusers rule.

The simplest act can set an abuser into a rage. Cooking dinner late or heaven forbid burning it can cause an abuser to become unreasonable and lose their temper. One minute an abuser can be throwing your things out in the middle of the lawn and yelling at you to go. The next they are running up behind you and grabbing you by your hair to prevent you from leaving. Both actions are geared toward having control by causing fear in their target.

Victims of domestic violence have a tendency to hide the facts of the abuse. The fear and humiliation are often enough to let the abuser feel safe in continuing the abuse. Victims are ashamed and afraid of being judged for "allowing" the abuse to occur.

Domestic violence is the need to control. Control is gained through fear. When your head hits the cement for doing as you have been told to do, well, you don't want to find out what will happen if you don't. Sadly, having your head banged on the cement isn't as bad as it can get, sometimes it's only the beginning.

Leaving? That is the ultimate survival. The threat to hunt someone down and do unspeakable things to them if they leave is very believable when you are being beaten on a daily basis. Leaving takes all of the strength that you can find.

Surviving domestic violence is finding the strength to leave. Getting out is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your future. Leaving is also the only way that you can truly survive domestic violence.

When there are children involved leaving becomes harder. The ideal is to leave before there are children. Planning sounds good in theory. It would be nice to have everything all tied up before you go but it is not always possible.

Ask yourself this. Would you prefer to live under a tree or be beaten on a daily basis? Remember the majority of those that stay with the abuser end up in the Morgue.

The reason two officers are sent out on these calls? The abused often feels the need to protect the abuser and have been known to turn on those whose job is "to protect and to serve" us.

Leaving is difficult in a violent situation. There are agencies in some places that specialize in free legal advice and refer you to private divorce attorneys. The cost of the help provided is based on income and need. Domestic violence cases take top priority.

In some cases you will be referred to a private attorney that will handle your case free of charge. The possibility of having a restraining order put into a divorce proceeding is very real. However be prepared to have difficulty getting the order enforced in some places around the U.S. Make yourself aware of stalking laws and how much will have to be endured before harassment turns to stalking.

Money is helpful in the actual leaving process whether the couple is married or not. Is an allowance given or is there a separate source of income. Drastic behavior changes can tip an abuser off to the fact that you are planning to leave. It is safest to not alter behavior drastically.

When it comes time to pay the bills do so as you normally would. Now when it comes to the household budget, cut corners. Take the money that you save and find a safe hiding place.

Be forewarned that when your significant other asks if you have money and you answer no they will go through your purse while you are sleeping. The money that you hid will be gone and you are left with nothing to fall back on. (Find a better hiding place even if you have to leave money with someone outside of your home.)

In the case where you are at your wits end and have to go right now with little planning it is possible to get out and survive. When you leave for work (make sure they left first) grab some clothes, get in the car and go. Making sure you have at least your last paycheck will help. Now get in the car, pick a direction and go. DO NOT LOOK BACK!

Everything you left behind can be replaced your life cannot. The cost may be great to replace them but the cost of your funeral would have been a great deal more.

In time the need to look over your shoulder will cease. The false sense of security that we all feel will return. Once this secure feeling as returned you will begin to live what is thought to be a normal life and find that you can achieve anything.