The Swine Flu Diaries

My daughter and I recently had H1N1 flu (swine flu). I already wrote about it in a shorter article, "My Personal Experience with H1N1 Flu," but here's the entire story-the chatty, bore-you-all-to-tears version. I'm sharing this here because I get a lot of messages about Audrey: How's she doing? How am I doing? How are things going? Things have been going well, for the most part. This article recounts a week that was harder than most.

Day 1, Friday: I woke up a little bit achy. I was in denial about it for the first part of the day, but by afternoon, I had to admit that I was very achy. My head hurt. I had chills. I started to panic. My four-year-old daughter, Audrey, is currently being treated for leukemia; the chemotherapy significantly weakens her immune system. Above all else, I did NOT want to pass my germs to her, so I started wearing a mask and casually keeping my distance from her. I made sure my hands were clean before I touched her. I took my temperature: 99.7. Then I called my husband, Dan, to whine about it. His words? "Stay away from Audrey." I tried! I went to bed as soon as Dan got home.

Day 2, Saturday: I arranged for my parents to take the kids for the day so I could rest and not worry about spreading whatever bug I had (I certainly didn't think it was the flu-gosh, no!) to Audrey. I slept in till 12:30 and felt pretty good when I got up. When I took my temperature, it was 98.9. I assumed I was getting better; I even felt well enough to write a silly AC article (if you read it, you'll see that I playfully mention my "low-grade fever").

Day 3, Sunday: I felt okay-not perfect, but not too bad. My temperature never got over 98.9. I'm not sure when my cough began, but I know that it was starting to annoy me by Sunday because I mentioned it in something I wrote that day. I wore a mask around Audrey and hoped I'd be better by morning.

Day 4, Monday: I felt "off" when I woke up. I was helping Audrey in the bathroom, and decided I'd better take my temperature-99.7. While the thermometer was still in my mouth, a wave of nausea swept over me, and I slid to the floor. "My fever's back. I think I'm gonna throw up," I croaked to Dan. He was scheduled for jury duty that day, but he was able to take my son to school, and he promised he'd come home as soon as he could to take care of Audrey so I could rest. My nausea passed; I never did throw up.

I got Audrey set up with some breakfast and a movie in the living room, and went back to bed. Yeah, I know the TV shouldn't be a babysitter, but I felt god-awful, and I was trying to stay away from Audrey as much as I could. My appetite was gone. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Dan got back around 11:30 (he wasn't selected to serve on the jury, obviously; he might have mentioned his sick wife and four-year-old child undergoing treatment for leukemia-hey, it wasn't a lie!). I stayed in bed most of the day. Dan cooked supper, and I felt good enough to eat with everyone. Audrey was coughing more, and after supper she started saying she didn't feel good. "Great, I've given her my dumb, weird bug," I thought. It still never occurred to me that I had the flu.

Audrey's temperature was 99 at bedtime. She woke up around 2 a.m. and came into our room, crying, saying she didn't feel good. I didn't feel good, either. We took her temperature again: 101.3. Because of her underlying condition, we can't give her Tylenol without a doctor's approval, and we have to call the hospital whenever she runs a fever (they consider 101.5 a fever). My husband called. The nurse looked up Audrey's information, talked to the doctor, called us back. We were told we could go ahead and give her Tylenol and wait till morning to bring her in to the hematology/oncology clinic.

Day 5, Tuesday: Dan took our son to school, and I got Audrey dressed and ready to go to clinic. She didn't have a fever in the morning, but I did. A low fever. As soon as she and Dan were gone, I went back to bed and slept. And slept. And slept.

The nurse practitioner who examined Audrey was pretty sure she had the flu. They ran a flu test, but the results wouldn't be in till the next day. Audrey needed a blood transfusion because her hemoglobin was low. She slept most of the time she was at the clinic. Her temperature got up to 102; my temperature rose to 100.3. Audrey got to come home that afternoon, and started taking Tamiflu that night. She sat around in a daze, and ate nothing. We were supposed to give her Tylenol as needed. She would have to go back to clinic for her regularly-scheduled chemo on Wednesday morning.

By evening, I was feeling better again. "How can Audrey have all the same symptoms I have, and have the flu?" I wondered. "I don't have the flu. I'm feeling pretty good, except for this horrible cough!" (I'm really not a stupid person-just stubborn...Okay, maybe I'm a teeny bit stupid.)

Audrey's temperature at bedtime was 103.4, which freaked me out enough to call the hospital. I spoke to the same nurse practitioner who had examined Audrey in the clinic earlier. She said it was up to us-we could bring Audrey back to the hospital or wait till morning. It seemed cruel to drag her out of bed when I knew how badly she needed to rest, so, after she threw up all over her bed, I gave her Tylenol, changed her sheets, and let her sleep. She woke up around 11, saying she didn't feel good, took more Tylenol, drank some water, and went back to sleep.

Day 6, Wednesday: At 3:30 a.m., Audrey woke up again, and I gave her more Tylenol and water, and put a cool washcloth on her forehead and neck. Her back was incredibly hot. (By the way, Audrey can't have Motrin unless we know for certain that her platelet count is good. Motrin probably would have worked better on her high fever, but I didn't have any Motrin at home. Her platelet count, as we would soon find out, was dropping fast, so it's probably better that we didn't give her Motrin. Well, honestly, I don't know which is worse-too-thin blood or what happened next.)

A little before 5 a.m. I heard a strange noise coming from Audrey's room. A sucking sound. I went in to check on her, and found her unconscious and convulsing. Her face was pressed against her pillow, drool was coming out of her mouth along with the strange sucking sound; her teeth were clenched, her eyes were rolled back and one leg twitched uncontrollably. I screamed for Dan to call 911. I picked Audrey up and tried to rouse her. I had no idea what was happening. I thought she was choking on her own vomit...or tongue.

The 911 operator told us to turn Audrey on her stomach. Then onto her side. Undress her. "What else?!" Lay her down on the floor, on her side. More drooling and twitching. I wiped her drool away and kept calling her name. She started coughing. Her leg stopped twitching. Then the firefighters and paramedics, and one police officer, arrived. I'd say it took them less than 3 minutes.

One of the paramedics explained that Audrey had probably had a febrile seizure (go here to read more about febrile seizures). Audrey opened her eyes, but didn't say anything. Dan wrapped her in a blanket and carried her out to the ambulance.

I had to stay home with my son, who slept soundly through the whole incident, until my parents could come over. I packed several bags for the hospital-clothes for myself and Audrey. I was still feeling pretty good. My head felt clear; my nose was a little bit runny, but not too bad. My cough was my most annoying symptom, but that wasn't going to keep me away from my baby.

I arrived at Children's Mercy Hospital a little before 7 a.m., checked in, and found Dan and Audrey in the emergency room (Audrey was throwing up as I walked in). People stared at me because I was wearing a mask, but I think those people should all thank me now-I didn't give H1N1 flu to a single one of them, I bet! If I did, well...Oops. I didn't know it was H1N1 till later that day.

We waited in the ER forever. Audrey slept most of the time. She did at least say "Mommy" to me, which made me feel a lot better. Dan made her laugh a couple of times with the penguin toy the paramedics had given her.

The doctors were all hesitant to decide anything without consulting Audrey's oncologist. At first, they were going to send Audrey home-chemo would be postponed until next week, but they still wanted us to take her to her radiation appointment the following day. As Dan and I were discussing how heartless and insane the doctors were for wanting us to take a very-sick child into a building with other vulnerable cancer patients for her first-and, therefore, likely quite traumatic-radiation treatment, the ditzy doctor came back in to say that Audrey's chest X-ray showed pneumonia. Change of plans: go home with some antibiotics; no chemo and no radiation until next week.

Then a tall, bald, smart doctor came in, wearing a mask just like mine and Dan's. He'd just reviewed Audrey's chest X-ray, and he felt that with everything going on-the flu, the seizure, the pneumonia, the leukemia treatment-that we'd probably all feel a heck of a lot better if Audrey were admitted. Yes! Yes, we liked that idea quite a bit. Thank you, Doctor!

The nurse came back to administer another flu test-a squirt in the nose and a prolonged snot-sucking. Audrey screamed bloody murder. What about the flu test Audrey had in clinic the day before? Sorry, said the nurse, but that test didn't give them all the information they needed.

Around noon, Audrey's room was finally ready. We walked there; Audrey rode in a wheelchair. My parents beat us to the room. By that time, I was feeling incredibly tired and a little dizzy. I answered the new nurse's questions, but all I wanted to do was sleep. I had the chills again. I knew my fever was back. Once the nurses left us alone, Dan and my parents started talking about eating lunch. I admitted that I felt too bad to eat lunch. I sprawled out on the futon in Audrey's room, and rested until someone brought me some Sprite.

My dad decided he'd drive me home and pick up my son at school. I said bye to Audrey, who was half-asleep and watching "SpongeBob." "See you...sometime," I said. I was feeling so awful, I wasn't sure I should promise I'd be back tomorrow.

When I got home, I went straight to bed. I was dizzy, shivering, hot, exhausted, and coughing so much that it was hard to sleep. The next thing I remember is waking up, sick to my stomach. I wasn't sure I could walk without passing out, but, luckily for me, the distance from my bed to the toilet isn't far. And our bathroom is tiny, so I was able to sit on the toilet and rest my sweaty forehead on the cool windowsill. I thought I was going to throw up, but, uh, everything decided to come out the more convenient end. I wondered how it was possible to feel so bad and not die. My head was on fire, spinning. I soaked a towel in cold water and wrapped it around my head, and felt relieved enough to get up and hobble back to bed (after washing my hands, of course).

Several hours later, my dad's cell phone rang. Audrey's flu test results were in. "What's that mean?" I heard him ask. "Uh-huh. So that must be what Maria has, too." I knew it was swine flu as soon as I heard that. The official results were "type-A flu"; right now, the "type-A flu" that's most common is H1N1. My mom talked to Audrey's nurse about me: my experience of feeling bad, then feeling okay, then feeling bad again, then feeling okay-apparently that's just how swine flu is for most people. I'd already been sick too long for Tamiflu to help me.

Suddenly my dad didn't want to come near me. Dan came home to get some clothes to take to the hospital. He wore his mask into our room and flinched when I talked to him. "Isn't swine flu sexy?" I asked. He rolled his eyes and left. No kiss!

That night at the hospital, Audrey's fever got up to 104. She didn't eat a single thing. I couldn't eat much, either. I took two ibuprofen, which upset my stomach, but at least I was able to get out of bed and enjoy--"enjoy" is probably too strong of a word-- a quiet night at home. My son spent the night at my parents' house. I watched "So You Think You Can Dance," and no one was around to complain about it!

Days 7-9, Thursday through Saturday: Audrey improved rapidly. By Thursday, her fever was gone and she no longer needed supplemental oxygen. She got the royal treatment at Children's Mercy (which is normal-it's a wonderful hospital) and was presented with a giant bag of Halloween goodies and a gorgeous fairy costume, which came with wings and a flower headband.

I stayed in bed most of Thursday. My temperature hovered around 101. The highlight of my day was when my mom brought me a Route 44 strawberry limeade from Sonic. Mmm! So refreshing. Then she made delicious vegetarian minestrone soup. Do I have amazing parents or what? My son didn't have school on Thursday or Friday, so my dad took him to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs on Thursday and Astro Boy on Friday. I was too sick to visit Audrey in the hospital, but I talked to her on the phone. She sounded very sweet and perky.

By Friday my fever wasn't completely gone, but the news that Audrey was coming home from the hospital made me feel 99% better. I showered, got dressed, and disinfected every frequently-touched surface in my house. Dan brought Audrey home around 5 p.m. She let me hug her, and then she was ready to watch "SpongeBob" and dump out her bag of Halloween goodies. As she and my son trashed the living room, all I could think was, "Thank you, God!" My supposedly "weak" daughter had recovered from H1N1 flu so quickly!

On Saturday I felt rotten again. Fever. Runny nose. Yucky cough. It wasn't going away. I'd been sick off and on for eight days, and I decided it was time to see a doctor. My mother-in-law drove me to Urgent Care, where the doctor determined that I had a sinus infection (plus H1N1 flu) and prescribed an antibiotic and some heavy-duty cough syrup with codeine. The antibiotic worked wonders; the cough syrup helped me sleep. I could tell I was getting better on Sunday. And I never stopped getting better!

That's my H1N1 flu adventure-every dull detail of it. I know that many of you are following Audrey's progress at CarePages, and I can't begin to tell you how much your support means to my family. We've had some scary moments these last couple of months, but Audrey continues to amaze us with her resilient spirit.

Stay well, everyone!