The Tale of a Self-Proclaimed Comedic Shuttle Driver

There are many self-proclaimed comedians in the world today. I must admit, however, that I never thought a shuttle driver would join the ranks. When you think about it, a shuttle driver's job is simple; they are to take the passengers to and from a designated destination, doing so safely. This is a very easy way to earn a paycheck. Have you ever had the shuttle driver, though, who decided to add humor to his or her daily responsibilities? I suppose it wouldn't be so annoying if he or she were actually funny, but when they're not, it's quite annoying. Consider my personal experience.

The company that I work for ran into a situation where they needed to free up some space in the parking lot. We have already outgrown the building we are at now, and there is not enough parking there. The company offered to pay 100 volunteers $150/month to start parking at a small community church down the street. I was one of the 100 volunteers who signed up. I knew it was going to suck being without my car like that, and that I would be inconvenienced, but I really needed the money seeing how the base pay with that company is terrible. We started off with this guy who was a pervert and eventually must have gotten canned after so many complaints, but then we got who I will call Mr. Love.

Mr. Love is a short and stubby man with a Jayorican accent (a Jamaican and New York accent). This made him very difficult to understand. He would often attempt to hold conversations with me, but half the time I could not understand a word he was saying because his accent is so unusual. I can usually understand Jamaicans very well, since I am of Island decent myself, but this guy had something different going on. Therefore, I would remain quiet on the shuttle to discourage conversation, but also because I really don't know the man nor care to talk to the shuttle driver. My thought was always, 'just do your job, get me to my car!' or 'Get me to work!'

Gradually, Mr. Love started to say things to me that were apparently supposed to be clever and humorous, particularly in the mornings. I am not a morning person and had explained that to him, so that was already one strike against him. On multiple occasions he said things like, "Why don't you smile?" or "You're not allowed in my van until you smile." "Look at her she always looks so mean." "Look at her, she's going to beat me up." "I will never touch her because she will slap me." If that wasn't bad enough, he would throw some sexism in his comedic routine as well such as, "You women and your cell phones driving all over the road!" At first, I would put up with it and try to ignore him, but eventually it got immensely old.

Furthermore, he thought it was hilarious to tell everyone that they were late when they got into the van, even if they were early. For example, there was one particular guy, who I will call Smokey Bones, who liked to puff on his cigarettes before getting into the shuttle. We never departed until about 5:40 p.m. and the majority of the people got off at 5:30 p.m. This guy would get into the shuttle at 5:35 p.m. after having his cigarettes and Mr. Love would say, "You're late!" If someone came out just as he was starting to drive off, he would pretend like he wasn't going to stop at all, then stop, then as the person climbs into the van, he would start moving before they sat down so as to make them almost break their bones crashing up against the glass. He would be the only one laughing at this. Sometimes when he got on one of his political rambles, he would drive the van slower so he could say everything he wanted to say. What a pain when you're ready to go home!

One time I was walking in the company's parking lot, minding my own business on one of my breaks. During my breaks I like my quiet and alone time, but this man thought it would be funny to almost run into me with the van! Then he says, "you know we don't live in the time of the horse and buggies anymore, you should stay out of the street." I told him that technically I'm not in the street, seeing how it's a parking lot.

Eventually, all of this got to be too much for me. I quickly grew to resent all of his teasing and joking, which most of the time was disparaging and dangerous. The last straw was when I got in the shuttle one day and just as I sat down, he told me yet again that I could not enter the van unless I smiled. What was worse is that other people joined him in teasing me. Instead of saying anything back, I just dropped the shuttle program. I came to the conclusion that $150 a month ($116 after taxes) just was not enough money for me to keep putting up with this self-proclaimed comedian. He evidently finds himself more funny than anyone else, but his unwanted and not funny jokes completely stressed me out.

So I guess that begs the question: if you needed the money as bad as you claimed, why didn't you just deal with him? The answer is simple: There's always a choice. I will find another way to make the money. Now that I have my car at work with me again, I feel like I gained part of my life back! I also no longer have to deal with his crap. As a last point, here's the grandiose lesson, never fall into the trap of believing you have to put up with behavior that becomes an annoyance to you just to make a few bucks, because it's not worth it!

To all you self-proclaimed comedians out there, just stop it! We the people want you to know that you are not funny, and you need to quit trying to be. If Mr. Love was really as funny as he thought he was, he would be on Comic View instead of driving the shuttle van. Evidently that career does not suit him, so please DON'T TRY TO BE FUNNY, UNLESS YOU REALLY ARE!