The Talk: Your Tween and Sex

While I don't have any college degree that marks me an expert on children, I do have two tween boys of my own who know they can ask me anything and they will get an honest answer, even about sex. Getting to this point took time and effort, but it has been worth it. Here are some tips I have learned that may help other parents talk to their tweens about sex.

Start Early Try to open the lines of communication early with your tweens. If you wait too long to talk about sex with your tween, it may make both of you uncomfortable when the time comes when you can no longer avoid it. If you're not sure how to approach the situation, give them a book about sex that is age appropriate. Tell them if they have any questions, they can always ask you. After you have given them time to read it, follow up with them about what they read.

Be Gentle It's awkward for tweens to talk to their parents about sex. If you feel they want to talk, but they aren't sure how to start, take the initiative. When my son first started showing signs of curiosity, I had to gently prod him to speak his mind. Let your tween know that they can ask you anything.

Be Aware Your tweens will hear about sex, whether it's you telling them or their friends. And they will hear about it from their friends. The only question is...what are they hearing and is it correct? One of the first questions my oldest son asked me about sex left no doubt in my mind that he was getting outside information.
Be Direct Answering any questions your tween has with an honest and direct approach will benefit both of you. Children expect honesty from us just as we expect it from them. When you give them a direct answer that they can understand, they will know that if any other questions arise, they will get the answer they are looking for from you. It will keep the lines of communication open in all areas of your relationship with your tween.

Share Your Beliefs What you believe in regards to sex should be passed along to your children. This will be their foundation. Although they may not always follow in your footsteps when the time comes to make their own decisions, it is important to have this foundation in their lives. If you believe you should wait until marriage to have sex, share that with your tween. Children should know that sex involves more than just the act of sex.

Communicate the Consequences Let your tween know that there are consequences to sex, whether it is an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. Let them know that it can happen to anyone and there are no fool proof methods to prevent these occurrences other than abstinence.

Plan Ahead Your tween's body will soon be going through changes. They may already have an idea of what these changes are, but it can still be scary, even if they are looking forward to these changes. If you have the lines of communication open, you can support our child through this exciting time instead of watching helplessly from an emotional distance.

Dating You tween may also have an interest in dating. Dating should be considered a part of sex and should be included in your discussions. Let them know what the acceptable age is for dating in your household. Let them know that this is all part of relationships and should not be rushed or taken lightly.

Children have a natural curiosity about everything. By setting the stage and planning ahead, you can open the lines of communication and answer any questions your tween may have about sex and sexuality.