The Teenager's Response to Divorce

As if being a teenager isn't hard enough, in walks the confusion and frustration associated with separation and divorce of the parents. With adolescence considered to be the most emotionally and psychologically charged period in life, many teenagers will struggle to grasp and focus during this development period when faced with the added confusion and complication of separating or divorced parents.

During the age span from thirteen to eighteen years of age, teenagers are developing their own identity and learning new experiences. It is during this period that many teenagers find they would rather be engaged and involved with their friends rather than with parents and family. However, it is the stability of the family which provides the child with a safety net with which to return.

When divorce occurs, teenagers often find their safety net feels as if it has been pulled out from under them. Often, because teenagers are able to process, to some extent, the physical and emotional situation of the parents, they begin to fear their own sense of commitment and value. With this insecurity, the teenager often finds they feel as if a profound loss has occurred, resulting in many teenagers exhibiting a sense of grief and loss over the separation of their parents. It is during this period that many teenagers can be influenced to hang out with friends more frequently which may, ultimately, further affect their futures in a negative way. So, what can parents do to foster emotional stability for their teenagers?

Adolescents and teenagers, during this period of life, will need the structure of family. With the overwhelming desires and peer pressures, the protection they find in family is crucial. For this reason, parents who are divorcing should work extensively to provide a structured family life for the teenager.

In addition to the structure of the family, parents who are divorcing should also consider conducting open and honest communications with their teenagers. While all of the specific details of a divorce do not need to be shared with the teenagers, there are details which can be shared and discussed openly which may assist the teenager in becoming more familiar with the issues and concerns of both parents.

As with any emotionally charged event during adolescence, parents should pay particular attention to the foundation established for the teenager at home. Because the home is the area of protection, teenagers, especially those who venture out with peers often, need to feel as if they have a safe haven to return to. When divorcing, both parents should work, diligently, to restore and maintain this foundation for all children, especially teenagers.