The Ten Best Songs You've Never Heard

It seems like every time I mention a groovy song to a friend or acquaintance, they say something like "Huh. I've never heard that." And that makes me sad, because so many people are missing out on some glorious tunes. So here, as a service to you, is my list of the best songs you've never heard. In no particular order, because I'm just too much of a music geek to pick favorites:
Soul Asylum's Artificial Heart

Soul Asylum got fairly popular back in '93 with the release of their album, Grave Dancer's Union, and the hit singles "Runaway Train", "Somebody to Shove", and "Black Gold". Not many people know, though, that before they were radio-friendly they were a pretty awesome garage punk band. Their song "Artificial Heart" is a bluesy, bass-heavy tune with a sing-song-y melody, about the misfortune of a young girl from a trailer park, and you guessed it-what happens to her and her artificial heart. It's a bizarre little song with Tim Burton-esque lines like "With a needle and thread, they sewed on her head; and her arms and legs, and all the rest, they said."

Another Soul Asylum tune, Religiavision

If the Dead Kennedys' Jello Biafra and Soul Asylum's Dave Pirner had a kid, it would grow up and sing this song. It's a loud and fast and bitingly cynical ode to fast-talking television evangelists and the people who blindly follow them.

Nirvana's Marigold

One of the so-called lost songs, this one features a rare vocal performance by Dave Grohl. It's a simple little song, but somehow haunting. It sounds best turned up loud on a good stereo; if you pay attention, the guitar sounds almost like a windchime at times.

Jimmy Buffett's My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

This is a fun little song, kind of a rockabilly tune-it sounds like he should be sitting in a saloon playing the piano and singing it. It's a tribute to that great equalizer, the hangover. Jimmy summons up the strength to head out to get some chocolate milk, and bravely swears that if he doesn't "die by Thursday, I'll be roarin' Friday night".

Everclear's Thrift Store Chair

Everyone knows Santa Monica from Everclear's CD Sparkle and Fade, but Thrift Store Chair managed to slip under the radar. Art Alexakis can get on my nerves at times, but this song is a sweet, honest look at a relationship that's at its end. There's nothing fancy here, just the reality of what life can be like when things are bad-sitting in that old chair she likes, listening to records, trying to get away from things for a little while.

Tool's Opiate

Maynard James Keenan takes on the voice of a religious leader, convincing all who will listen that his way is the only way. What more needs to be said?

Simon and Garfunkel's Silent Night

As the classic Christmas song goes on, you slowly become aware of newscasters in the background, reporting on the horrors of the Viet Nam war. The fist time I heard this it made me want to cry, and still when I hear it I have to stop what I'm doing and just listen. The only word that can really describe it is "powerful".

Rickie Lee Jones' After Hours
Absolutely the saddest song ever written. Rickie Lee is an unmatched songwriter and her voice is stunning. The song is short and soft but leaves you with this lingering feeling of loneliness that's a bit too real.

Camper Van Beethoven's Axe Murderer Song

"Why do axe murderers only attack when you're partially nude or taking a bath?" The geniuses from CVB tackle this important question and others we've all asked when watching one of those axe-murderer movies. I have to say this-if you don't know CVB, look them up, now. I mean if you like N' Sync or Creed or American Idol, don't, cause you won't get it. But otherwise, check them out.

The Offspring's Kill the President

Written and produced twenty years ago, the words are still frighteningly relevant. The song isn't a call for assassination but a plea for people to wake up and take a good hard look at their leaders.

So there's my little list-the top ten off the top of my head. I know I left some good stuff out, so go ahead, if there's something I should be listening to and I'm not, or something everyone else should know about, post a comment and tell me.