The Ten Commandments for Wives Part 8

1. Learn the real meaning of love.

2 Give up your dreams of a "perfect marriage" and work toward a good marriage.

3. Discover your husband's personal, unique needs and try to meet them.

4. Abandon all dependency upon your parents and all criticism of his relatives.

5. Give praise and appreciation instead of seeking it.

6. Surrender possessiveness and jealousy.

7. Greet your husband with affection instead of complaints or demands.

8. Abandon all hope of changing your husband through criticism or attack.

9. Outgrow the Princess Syndrome.

10. Pray for patience.

Before exploring the eighth commandment for wives, I want to examine the words criticism and attack. First, criticism is the act of criticizing. So what does it mean if you criticize someone? Webster states to criticize is to stress the faults of. What about attack? According to Webster, to attack is to assail with unfriendly or bitter words. Those words definitely do not evoke warm, fuzzy and loving feelings to me. How could I have any hope of changing anyone by those methods? Wait a minute, if I love someone should I want to change him? When I think of loving my husband, I think of it as being similar to how Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us just as we are, bad habits and all, however, He loves us too much to allow us to remain the same. I love my husband, I accept him for who he is even though I may not always agree with what he does.

My dear precious husband whom I have vowed to love, cherish, honor and obey, how could I even think of criticizing and attacking him? Again I am ashamed to admit, I am guilty. My frustration and anger builds and I lose control of my tongue. I want something done differently or even just done and I attack. My husband is not perfect, but he was not perfect when we met either. I did not criticize and attack him then, so why now? I was more forgiving and more tolerant. I need to verbalize my issues and then let them go. If I want him to change a behavior then I need to address why it is important to me and then forgive him if he does not change it. I need to demonstrate my love for him as a unique and valuable person in my life.

My recommendation is the next time you feel angry at your husband and start to criticize or attack, stop and ask yourself just one question. If he continues to do whatever, am I still going to love him? If the answer is yes, then wait until you do not feel so angry and upset then express how whatever makes you feel or affects you. Express your wish that he change the behavior and forgive him if he does not. God bless you.