The Ten Wackiest Third Party Candidates

Are you tired of the same old message and the same old people running for the Oval Office? Are you bored with politics as usual? The 2008 presidential race becomes a whole lot more entertaining when you look at third party candidates. According to www.politics1.com, there are dozens of people with presidential aspirations. Here are the ten strangest ones:

10. The Marijuana Party
Presidential hopeful Chris Ericson in Vermont (www.chrisericson.com) has but one aim for the United States: to legalize pot.

"Republicans, Democrats, political convention parties, drinking beer, drinking wine, tequilas, margaritas; but if Independents stay at home and smoke a little marijuana, the Republicans and Democrats will drag them off to jail," she proclaims.

Never mind the economy, terrorism, and education. Just don't Bogart the Oval Office.

9. The Boston Tea Party
By rights, Charles Jay (www.cj08.com) should be our next President - especially when his party has a cool as The Boston Tea Party. Who needs a platform with a name like this? It's sheer malice, it's a conspiracy, that no one has heard of them. But be careful, oh naysayers!

Charles Jay knows who you are: "We have uncovered the name of one individual who was associated with a previous attempt to do this to another party in Florida, and possibly other states, and we are looking into it. ... So we have taken certain safeguards to make sure that if this kind of activity is implemented, we will know as much as possible about it."

That should leave you shaking in your boots.

8. The National Socialist Movement

Front man Brian Holland (www.holland08.com) is "an American Patriot," his website proudly proclaims - and an advocate for those who cheered for the Germans during Saving Private Ryan. However, a quick glance at the website makes it pretty clear that Brian Holland isn't exactly a poster child for eugenics.

7. The United Fascist Union
Sporting a spiffy Roman legionnaire's helmet, Jack Grimes (http://joanne21921.tripod.com) outlines his platform concisely and to the point, "The United Fascist Union was incorporated in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania in 1996 as a non-profit political club to promote the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein."

6. The Light Party
Da Vid (www.lightparty.com) is a physician, human ecologist, artist, and Kabbalistic Hermeticist. The Light Party's splash page greets visitors with a 1990s-Heavens-Gate-style animation. His platform is eccentric, but kind:

"We support the conscious use of technology in creating A Sustainable Global Solar Hydrogen/Hemp Based Economy... We propose the creation of The Gaia/Solaris Consortium, an Inter-National Corporation, funded in part by Green and Global Flat Taxes. These monies will be used to create a Sustainable Global Solar Hydrogen/Hemp Based Economy..."

5. The Constitution Party
Chuck Baldwin (www.baldwin08.com) will make for darn sure that US real estate isn't grabbed by foreign companies.

Just imagine:

"Now the Sovereign Wealth funds which many countries are holding are buying our foreclosed homes. Abu Dhabi has $875 billion, Norway $391 billion, Singapore $303 billion, Kuwait $264 billion to name a few. These countries are hiring American real estate companies to buy out billions in American real estate at bargain prices. This is ... embarrassing ..."

4. Prohibition Party
If the evils of alcohol themselves are not convincing enough to vote for Gene Amondson (www.geneamondson.com), then maybe his "portrayal of Billy Sunday's famous 'Booze Sermon'" will. And if you don't want to vote for him, why not purchase one of his oil paintings while you're visiting his website?

3. Desmond Ravenstone
Ravenstone and Darklady's website is a Myspace profile (www.myspace.com/ravenstone_darklady_08). Their motto is "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Orgasms!" Hey, who can argue with that?

2. The Youth International Party
Ever wonder why Jesus hasn't shown his face in these trying times? Because his real name is Edward M. Schwarz (www.copsbeatmeup.com). His goal is to "Pay Off the Nat. Dept. & End Terrorism (sic)" - indeed noble aims. His resume and means are more than mildly nutty, however.

"I will win," he proclaims. "Furthermore, I am the king of the Nation of Israel as proscribed by Torah/Bible law uncontrovertible."

Schwarz plans to end the "Nat. Dept." by divesting "the assets of every synagogue and sundry other Jewish institutions ... every Jewish lawyer, every Jewish banker, every rabbi."

Whatever you do, do NOT drink the Kool-Aid.

1. United Vampire World Organization
After a masterfully tanked campaign for the Minnesota gubernatorial office, Jonathon "The Impaler" Starkey (http://uvwo.org/) has set his sights on the White House.

Once elected, "The Impaler" with set up a "socialist monarchy," and if he won't get elected, perhaps his "1^st VWP Militia Regiment" might stage a coup. But not if we can find the compound first.