The Terrible Two's - Are They Really so Terrible?

No parent truely looks forward to the terrible twos. This important developmental stage in a child's life has gotten such a bad rap that even first time parents are anxious over it's arrival. More "seasoned" parents may have scared many new parents with tales from the dark side of toddlerhood. But in the end is a beautiful two year old such a terrible thing? As a mother of three, I'm here to tell you that no, it isn't such a terrible thing to have a toddling two year old. It can actually be one of the very best stages in your child's life.

The terrible twos can actually begin long before your child actually turns the age of two. My older two daughters actually started dealing with this at the age of 18 months. My third daughter is just now jumping into this stage head first and she's 22 months old. So each and every child is different and will enter this import part of life at different times than other toddlers his or her age. A child's temperment will play a leading role in when this stage begins.

Everyone may recognize the terrible twos as being a time for many meltdowns, tantrums, screaming, hitting and using the word "no" as often as possible. Sure, these are definate signs of this stage of life but you have to remember that your toddler is only doing these things because they are trying to express themselves with minimal language skills and it brings on a lot of frustration for them. Toddlers will start showing more independence and become their own little person. Take for example my little princess. One day I was going to put her sneakers on so that we could leave and she threw the biggest fit because she wanted her summer sandals on even though it was only 45 degrees outside that day. So I had to compromise with her and let her wear her sandals but with socks to keep her feet warm. Toddlers enjoy making decisions about their own bodies and when you don't let them it turns into a meltdown. When these happen often, people call it the Terrible Twos. When it's really just a simple phase that all children must go through at one point or another. Your sweet little person isn't trying to be mean or defiant. They are just trying to understand the world around them and make it their own.

Here are a few things that you can do to make the terrible twos not so terrible. First off stick to a schedule. Toddlers need a routine. Routines make things predictable and a toddler NEEDS predictability in their day to day life. Next, try to offer your toddler choices throughout their days. For example, offer them two different items for lunch. Or even offer them a choice about what they would like to drink. My toddler is always begging for juice but I don't like the girls to drink a lot of juice so I offer my little one ice water (she likes to shake the cup of ice) or milk. Sometimes she will still demand "JUICE!" but I just keep repeating "Ice Water or Milk?" until she makes her choice. Once she does make her choice I immediately give it to her and she will happily toddle off with her cup. There are no fights, no tantrums, no screaming fits over anything as long as I offer her a chance to make her own decisions.....even if she didn't get what she originally wanted.

Distractions are another good technique to use during the terrible twos. Say your toddler is begging for your new lipstick to use on your newly painted livingroom wall. If you see a tantrum quickly rising to the surface as soon as you say the word no, then rush your toddler off to play with some blocks or have a tickle-fest or take them outside to jump in that pile of leaves you have been working on all week. Distraction is a fantastic item to pull out of that parental bag of tricks. It can get you out of a lot of jambs and not just the terrible twos kind.

If you are stuck with an unavoidable tantrum the best thing to do is just let it play out. Make sure that your child is in a safe place and just let them throw their tantrum. Go about your business until they are done with the tantrum. Keep in mind that you can not negotiate or communicate with a tantruming toddler. They just will not hear a thing until they have calmed down a bit. Once they are calmer and have stopped screaming you can cuddle up with them and tell them you love them and you are sorry that they are having a tough moment and then offer a hug and kiss. It's tough being a toddler and they like it when they know that you still love them after such a scene from them.

The age of two does not have to be terrible. When you think it is, just stand back and look at that adorable toddler with those gorgeous big eyes and just admire your handiwork. You are raising a new person for the world. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and if there were, they too would have to deal with this stage of toddlerhood. Rock your baby for a while. Read them a story that they love. Stand back and listen to them babble to their stuffed doggy. You may be amazed to hear things like "Mommy, Daddy, I love you" even if you can't get them to say it to your face. Enjoy all of the sweet little hugs and kisses. Take in that look of amazement in your toddler's twinkling eyes when you show them something new. That perfect little person loves you and you love them. There is nothing terrible about that...... even if they are screaming at you five minutes later. Enjoy the not so terrible twos! I know I am.