The Top 10 Facts About Zombie Syndrome that You Should Know

An emerging infectious disease called Human Zombie Syndrome, caused by Zombie Virus Type A, has taken several communities in the Northeast by surprise. But just how dangerous is Zombie Virus Type A, and what should you do if you're infected? Ten interesting facts about Zombie Virus Type A are listed below.

1. Zombie Virus Type A was discovered when a biologist working in Iceland was bit by a bedbug. When she returned to work the next day, several of her workers noticed that she had developed "zombie like features" and her blood was sent to the CDC. Despite her insistence that she was just having a bad hair day, a doctor later diagnosed her with acute Zombie Syndrome. While there is also a Zombie Virus Type B, and a Zombie Virus Type C, these viruses are not as infectious as the original Zombie Virus Type A.

2. While not exactly a real-life version of Night of the Living Dead, Zombie Syndrome is nonetheless a real disorder and has the following symptoms: a continual urge to complain about things even minor in nature, bloodshot eyes, skin that has become paler, a craving for chocolate covered raisins, doughnuts or finger sandwiches, and mild changes in a person's behavior such that they develop a mildly annoying personality.

3. It is now known that Zombie Virus Type A is responsible for a massive outbreak of Zombie Syndrome which has infected millions of people in the East Coast stretching from Maine to Pennsylvania. It is believed that bedbugs are responsible for the spread of this epidemic, and vacationers are strongly advised to avoid vacationing in the affected states.

4. Zombie Virus Type A actually infects the neurons in a person's brain, an if left untreated the person may experienced the strange desire to join the Tea Party or live in the wilderness for weeks.

5. White House officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity, have confirmed that vice president Joe Biden has been infected with the Zombie Syndrome for the past five weeks. Apparently, the only ill effect the virus had on him was to induce a strange change in his personality whereby he refrained from making gaffes and inappropriate statements in front of the press.

6. Zombie Virus Type A causes a rare illness in Great Britain which is referred to in the media by government public health officials as, "simply being British." And hence it is not treated as aggressively in that country.

7. Zombie Syndrome can be cured, though the treatment often takes as long as six months. People infected with Zombie Virus Type A must follow a very regimented treatment routine which consists of eating only Jell-O for breakfast, watching Oprah every day, and eating a dozen Junior Mints each day for their medicinal value.

8. Researchers studying Zombie Syndrome are uncertain as to whether it can be spread by exposure to a person with the syndrome. Oddly enough, preliminary research shows that bitting may transmit Zombie Virus Type A from one person, or animal, to the next. When vice president Joe Biden was infectious with Zombie Virus Type A he did bite Bo the White House dog, and may have passed on the virus to him.

9. It is believed that the Barefoot bandit was infected with Zombie Virus Type A at birth. It is unknown what role, if any, this played in his later criminal escapades.

10. Hillary Clinton once locked herself in the Lincoln bedroom for a week when her husband was president as she believed that he had contracted Zombie Virus Type A. This was before the relatively benign nature of zombie syndrome was known.

For the top 10 bedbug myths click here.

Sources:

Personal experience as a long time Zombie Virus Type A researcher at the National Institutes of Health.