The Top 10 Things to Discuss Before You Get Remarried

When you put two individuals together, you always have the chance of things going horribly wrong. As time goes by we change and grow into our own personalities. It is a fact that a person undergoes an extreme personality change several times through out their life and things that once seemed to bring us joy, now may be of little interest to us.

Now add to that the fact that as we get older we collect experiences and if you already have a failed marriage, many of them will be painful and causes for distrust.

You may not thing that this will be a problem in your new relationship since right now you are deliriously happy and much more mature, but believe me that those ugly little red flags will raise sooner or later. Allow me to address the top 10 issues that should be discussed before you walk down the aisle for the second or subsequent time.

Are there any Children involved?
If either of you have Children from the previous marriage you have to sit down and make a decision where they will be raised and what each individual Adults rights and responsibilities are in the Relationship with the Children. The new Step-parent must be clear from the very beginning about their Role in the new family dynamic. Will they carry the same rights as you? Who will do the disciplining? Who will make decisions when it comes to the Children? How do the Children and the new Person in the family get along when they are alone? Allow them to spend stressful times together as they would in a family as in going shopping together, running errands, dealing with them when they are overtired. Don't always be at hand to smooth it out, have someone else watch it for you. Ask the Children their opinion and remember that most kids will not be ok with the Idea of their biological Parents being divorced. Listen to them with an open mind and don't try to read anything into it that is not there.

Will there be Stepsisters and Stepbrothers in the same household?

If not only one of you but both have had kids and each will bring them into household be blended into one new unit, you are looking at further possible problems. How do the Children feel about each other? Are they compatible? What about their Grand Parents and Biological absent Parent, how do they interact with the new siblings?

Make certain that there will never be any favoritism in the household. New Rules need to be discusses and established ahead of time. Sit everyone down together before the marriage and come to an agreement. Remember, you are not only marrying your new Lover, but the entire Family. Doesn't sound all that romantic now does it? Remarriages seldom are, but they can be very rewarding if you approach it with a bit of common sense.

Visitation Rights and dealing with the Ex.
Unless you are the sole Parent left and all Parental Rights have been signed off by the other Co-Parent you will have to deal with this eventually. Discuss these issues ahead of time. You may want to make sure each of you understands how much the new spouse is willing to deal with. You need to sit your Ex down to and make it very clear that you will not tolerate any disrespect towards your new partner or any back stabbing in front of the children. Make certain you will uphold that Rule your-self as well.

Are your goals and dreams compatible?
This may not seem that important to you right now, but in the long run it can make or break your Relationship. If you and your new Partner don't have the same or at least similar Goals and Dreams you may not be able to last it out. What if your Goals will need his or her support for a while, are they willing to give it? What is the case in reverse are you willing to stick your neck out for your Partner?

Are you sexually compatible?

This is more important then you think. Until you are too old to worry about it anymore, you need to be sexually compatible. Are your appetites the same in this Area? Are you willing to indulge each other in that department? Be frank before your marriage. Better to be honest now about your fantasies and likes, than to have to live later on without your needs filled. Be realistic!

Do your spending habits match?
Another thing most of us don't think about the first time around and seldom the second. If you have one Partner that holds so tight to every Penny that it waves the white flag and the other spends money faster then it can be earned, you are in for a tough time. Of course we each look at money a bit different and we each have different ways of saving and spending, but are you in general in the same category?

Who is the Boss?
There are a wide variety of relationship dynamics. Sit down and discuss openly what you expect from each other in that case. Who is the head of the household? Do you have shared rights or does one have the final say in larger issues? For example: My second husband and I are in an alternative relationship. He is the undisputed head of the house. He has the final say about any decision, which includes our (my) daughter going out, schooling etc. I run the household for him, but will ask before making any large purchases. He in turn consults me before anything large takes place, but the final say so is his and I respect the decision.

What about spending time with your Friends and Family?
I can see your rolling your eyes already; this is surely not an issue. Wrong! Friends are often one of the top reasons marriages have problems. If you have Friends from your previous marriage, they are often predisposed against the new person. You may want to sit down and discuss this openly with your new Partner and with them as well. I for one made a decision to let go of all my friends when I remarried and we since then have made new ones together as a couple. Is it ok to spend time alone with friends of the opposite sex? What about interaction with so called best friends? How much time are you willing to spend with your extended Family and how do they behave towards the new person?

Is it your money, my money or our money?

How will you handle the money situation in your house? If both work and bring an income in, who pays what or is it all getting thrown together? Do you keep separate accounts or do you have one? What about savings? Life Insurance and medical insurance? What about setting up for your children's future? Will both of you be expected to work or will one stay home and take care of the household?

Do you want to have Children together?
No matter if you have children already or not, do you want to have Children with each other? If yes, how soon and are you set up for that?

Those are just a few of the issues; we could go much further and add religion, hobbies, time alone, habits etc into the mix. The point is, talk before you say yes!