The Top 5 Worst Holiday Gifts for Grandparents

Every year, well-meaning but sorely misguided grandparents do their best to spread holiday glee and cheer to their grandchildren. They send bejeweled sweaters, fuzzy pajamas with footsies, fruit cakes, and bargain-bin Barry Manilow cassette tapes. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but sometimes the joy of giving and receiving can be overshadowed by a bit of senility and and misguided good intentions.

Don't make the same mistake that grandma and grandpa have made for years; you will be no better than they are. This holiday season, make sure to carefully think out and plan your gifts. Giving the wrong gift might come off a passive-aggressive cheap shot. It doesn't matter how many reindeer sweaters she has given you, the holidays are not the time for revenge on grandma; remember, she means well.

This is only a partial list of the worst holiday gifts for your grandparents. Avoid them at all costs. Instead of punishing grandma and grandpa for a misguided gift, show your love with fruit baskets, photo calendars, or a night out.

The Top Five Worst Gifts for Grandparents

Undercap - Underwear for your Head

The Undercap is a pair of white underpants built like a hat that you can wear on your head. It is the logical evolution of the stocking cap, and for some of your friends it might be the perfect gag gift. Your best friend, the butt-head, would look smashing with a pair of white briefs on his head. However, the Undercap is not for your grandma.

The Undercap is one of the worst gifts for a grandparent because there is an unwritten law for grandparents: if a grandchild gives clothing for a gift, it must be worn. Do not take advantage of this rule by tricking grandma or grandpa into wearing underwear on his or her head. Grandparents are easily confused by modern style and fads, and they might think that wearing the Undercap is cool. Meanwhile, the waitress at the local Denny's will call and report your grandparent as a senile flight risk. It might be funny, for a minute, but eventually you would see the mug shot of your grandma with a pair of underwear on her head, and you will feel bad.

The Undercap is available from http://baronbob.com/undercap.htm. It would make a great gift for a friend, but not grandma.

Toilet Fishing - Potty Fishing Toilet Game

The Potty Fishing Game includes a fishing rod, four plastic fish, a bowl, and a door sign; it allows you to entertain yourself in the bathroom while you take care of your business. Think of it as the sporting alternative to the Reader's Digest. It is funny - maybe even cute, but it is not the right gift for your grandfather.

The Potty Fishing Game is one of the worst gifts for a grandparent because there are two things my grandfather likes it is fishing, and staying in the bathroom. I have heard exaggerated tales of both events; there is the 18 inch trout that got away and the two-hour bowel movement that wouldn't come. Both stories are a bit depressing and overwhelming. The Toilet Fishing game is the last thing that your grandpa needs. He does not need an excuse to combine both of his favorite past times. You might never see the man again; he might never leave the bathroom. The worst part of the Potty Fishing Toilet Game is the new stories that will come out during dinner time. Do you really need to hear about "the big one" at Christmas dinner? I know I don't. The Toilet Fishing game is available from http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/toilet-games-toilet-fishing-potty-fishing.html.

Granny Battles - Radio Control Fighting Grandmas

The Granny Battles, R/C fighting Grandmas are a funny pair of frying pan and rolling pin wielding grandmas that you drive around a fighting mat in a mock, elderly version of Fight Club. They are unique and silly, and just a little bit sardonic. I can see my friends and I having grandmas pound each other while chanting "What happens in grandma fight club stays in grandma fight club." They are not the gift for your grandparents; no good could possibly come from them.

The best case scenario is that your grandmother will be horrendously offended by the gift because she will think that you want her beaten about the face with a rolling pin. The worst case would be your grandma is inspired by the little R/C battle bots into starting a little "Fight Club" in her gated mobile home community. I have faith that my grandma could hold her own because she can wield a mean walker, but some grandparent just can't compete. I am not sure if I need my grandmother pummelling some poor woman into submission. Granny Battle R/C Fighting Grandmas are available from http://baronbob.com/grannybattles.htm.

Old Fart Slippers

The Old Fart Slippers are a pair of black slippers, labled with the words "Old Fart" and with built in whoopee cushions that make "fart sounds" as the wearer walks. They confirm that the wearer is in fact old, gassy, and slow. They would be good for someone who has just turned 40 or even 50, but they are not the gift from grandpa.

The Fart Slippers are an all-around bad holiday gift for grandparents because there are some gifts that you just don't buy. You don't buy Charles Manson cutlery, and you don't buy grandpa farting slippers. The last thing he needs is encouragement that gas is funny. I can just hear grandpa giggling as he tries to have you guess if the sound was him or the slippers. It just wouldn't be right to give grandpa on on-demand excuse for you to "pull his finger". Save your holiday season by encouraging positive behavior and not farts. The Old Fart Slippers are available here: http://baronbob.com/oldfartslippers.htm.

Slingshot Flying Granny

I like novelty slingshot gifts as much as the next person; in fact, I own about seven flying Woot monkeys. They can be fun, disrupting, and they make people giggle. I could easily see my buying a Slingshot Flying Granny to add to my collection. It is a grandma that flies across the room with a shrill "Woo Whee." She is as cute as a button dressed up in her apron, glasses, and bonnet dress. As much as I want one, I don't think it is a good gift for grandma.

Grandparents are highly suggestive. Why do you think so many grandmas shop on the home shopping network and fall for Nigerian Prince scams? The last thing my dear old grandma needs is the idea she can fly. Even with all of her robotic, titanium joints, I don't think she would do well after a fall from the second story of her house. I definitely do not want my grandma's last words to be "Woo Whee." Save yourself the trauma of watching your doting grandma plummet to the ground; do not buy her the Slingshot Flying Granny even if it is available her: http://baronbob.com/flyinggranny.htm.